


Falling Down the Primrose Path

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-05
Updated: 2004-11-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:07:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: This is a splinter story of Simon's Other Foot Series.  This is a Brian and Justin story but uses the world and set up that Simon created.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

History of the Primrose Path 

 

Where the title comes from: the phrase 'Primrose Path' means - the best of something, the ultimate in lavishness and beauty. However, the true meaning comes from William Shakespeare as a phrase meaning a pleasant path to self-destruction for Hamlet. He used it again in Macbeth, this time the 'Primrose Path' led to Hell. Now for some background. 

 

This story was inspired by Simon's 'Other Foot' series, particularly the first two stories. Simon has given me permission to run with the story but you should definitely go read the series. http://www.mags-nificent.com/MSW/SiF/OF.htm In Simon's series, Brian moves to New York and has an affair with the new business partner Steve. He breaks it off to be with Justin and for awhile they seem happy. Steve comes back and Brian decides that it's Steve that he wants. Justin is shattered; Brian moves in with Steve. Justin is spiraling downward into Brian's old pain management techniques. Brian gets a call about it and goes to check up on Justin for the first time since it happened. Justin is in class at school in New York when Brian shows up and tells him to get a grip, that he is with Steve and that isn't going to change. That he does still care for him but as a friend. That part of the story ends with Justin watching Brian walk away from him. Here is where my story and Simon's go off in totally different directions. Thanks Simon! 

Now on to the story...


	2. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Thanks to Simon for agreeing to let me do this and giving suggestions. To my beta Gayle and to the medical people of the Moonshadow Tribe for helping me with that part of the story.

* * *

"You were always first rate, you know that. We were good." 

 

"But he's better?" 

 

"He's not better than you are, he's just better for me, Justin, that's all. And I think I'm good for him." He seemed so sad when he said it. "After a while, I don't think we would have worked anymore. And then it would have gotten terrible for both of us." 

 

"Instead it was just terrible for me." 

 

"It will pass; it will fade. I'll fade." He made a move to touch Justin's cheek in a small caress, but pulled back before his hand made contact. "You can have anyone you want, Justin-you're amazing and talented and smart and you're beautiful. You can have anyone. You'll see." 

 

His answer was a thin smile. 

 

"You'll clean up your act?" 

 

"Does it matter to you if I do?" It was a real question wanting a real answer. 

 

"It matters. You matter." That was it, no appeal. Brian wouldn't change his mind. Justin knew that was the final nail for them together. It wasn't so much that Brian would never take him back, it was simply that he'd found someone he wanted more. Justin had been shifted, as far as Brian was concerned, to the group of friends who made up his family. He was no longer more than that and he had no choice but to accept it or leave. Of course, Brian was fiercely loyal to his family. 

 

He nodded. "All right. I'll do you proud." 

 

This time Brian did let his hand cup the boy's cheek, like you would pat a small child who'd gotten an A on a math test. He smiled, glad that the problem had finally been dealt with. "Call if you need anything. You know that I mean that. Anything- call me." Justin nodded as Brian turned walked away and down the stairs at the end of the hall, he listened to the footsteps disappear. 

 

"But you're wrong, Brian. I can't have you." 

 

***************************************** 

 

Justin watched Brian walk away from him and felt himself get angry. What right did Brian have to come and tell him what to do? Justin went back into class and excused himself. He was too angry and upset to continue. Walking to the nearest bar he ordered a drink and thought about the conversation he had just had. 

 

After almost eight months, he comes to his school, pulls him out of his class and starts touting about how he still cares what happens to him but that he loves Steve and isn't coming back. That he wants Justin to pull himself together and finish school. Well fuck him Justin thought slamming down his empty glass. 

 

Picking up his bag, he went home to decide just what it is that he's going to do. Walking into his apartment, he looked around. This wasn't home. He didn't have a home any longer. Brian had taken that away from him. Justin reached for the phone. 

 

Over the next few days, Justin made his plans and within two weeks, stood looking around his apartment to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Turning, Justin locked the door and went down to the car he had recently purchased. Loading the last box, he dropped his keys in the manager's box and left. 

 

Justin never once looked back as he left New York behind him. As he drove, he went over the past three weeks in his head. Brian had said that he still cared about him yet after his talk with Justin at school he hadn't called him once to see if things had gotten better. 

 

With the semester just starting, Justin had easily withdrawn and gotten the money that Brian had used to pay his tuition. It was the last thing he was ever going to take from Brian Kinney. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Almost a year to the day of the break up, a very drunk and wasted Justin stumbled out of a bar somewhere in Colorado. As he leaned against the wall trying to get his bearings, he felt a hand land on his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he saw a fairly attractive man grinning at him. 

 

"I've been trying to get your attention all night." The man said. 

 

Justin smiled slightly. "Oh yeah? Well you mustn't have tried too hard." 

 

"You want to go somewhere? We could go get some coffee somewhere to sober us up." The grinning man said. 

 

Justin shook his head and leaned forward again. "Nope, I'd rather you just took me home and fucked me." 

 

Laughing the man wrapped his arms around Justin's shoulders. "Sounds good to me. By the way, my name's Peter." 

 

Justin laughed and shook his head. "Don't do names." He said but stopped when they arrived at the man's vehicle. It was a black jeep. 

 

Peter stopped also. "Nice, huh. Just what you need here in the mountains. I have an SUV for the winter." 

 

Justin nodded. "You must do pretty good if you have both." 

 

"I'm a doctor. So what is your name?" He said. 

 

"Oh yeah…I'm Justin." He said as he moved toward the jeep. "So…do you live far?" 

 

Peter laughed. "Not too far." 

 

Justin got in and closed the door. As Peter got in, Justin leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. Justin felt the jeep start and tried to block out the memories he had of him and Brian in the jeep during happier times. He knew that he was coming down and wasn't ready yet. 

 

Turning to Peter, he asked. "You got anything? I could use a little more of a buzz." 

 

Peter reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of tabs. "Here you go. The best money can buy." 

 

Justin grabbed the tabs and quickly popped them into his mouth. Sitting back he waited for them to take effect. When they did, Justin opened his eyes and smiled at Peter. "That is good shit." 

 

Peter laughed and popped another tab himself. "I told you." 

 

Justin looked around. "So how soon before we get to your place?" 

 

Peter looked around. "Not too long. As you can tell by all the trees, it's a little bit up the mountain." 

 

Justin nodded. Just then headlights flashed as they came toward them. Justin laughed at the swerving lights, thinking what an idiot the driver was. The next thing he knew there were loud crashing noises, squeals, screams, and he was flying through the air. That was the last thing he remembered.


	3. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Brian was finally taking Steve home to meet his friends and family. It had taken a bit of work on Steve's part as Brian said that everyone was still angry at him for choosing Steve over Justin or as they put it, 'dumping' Justin. It had been almost a year and they needed to get over it and move on. Brian had been home a couple of times but never had taken Steve. 

 

So here they were in Pittsburgh for the weekend. The flight had been smooth, and since they were in Brian's hometown, they had rented a car. Their suite at the hotel was good and comfortable although Brian complained that it could have been better. 

 

Steve knew that Brian was nervous about introducing him to everyone. Since it might be one of the few visits that he made, he tried to get Brian to do that, introduce him to everyone, including his mother and sister but Brian had steadfastly refused. 

 

After they unpacked, they had driven over to see Lindsey and Gus. Knocking on the door, Brian was surprised when the door was almost instantly thrown open. 

 

"Dada!" Gus cried out excitedly as he threw his arms out to be picked up. 

 

Brian laughed and picked up Gus. "Hey, Sonny boy! How are you?" 

 

Steve stood aside smiling as he watched Brian and Gus greet each other. Lindsey stood in the doorway smiling. "Well come on in. He's been waiting for you all day." 

 

Brian smiled at Gus as he walked in. "Lindsey, this is Steve. Steve, Lindsey." 

 

Steve continued to smile and shook Lindsey's hand. He noticed the slight slip of her smile but her welcome seemed genuine enough. 

 

"Hello Steve, it's about time we met you." Lindsey said as she looked him over. 

 

Steve knew that she was comparing him to Justin. He had known that that was going to happen a lot this trip a lot. Justin was a member of their family and he was the outsider who had caused Justin pain. 

 

At first there was tension in the air but as long as they focused on Gus, things were fine. They found out that Mel was out of town caring for her aunt who had fallen and broken her hip. Brian was secretly thankful for that as it meant one less confrontation. 

 

They ended up staying for dinner. Brian called Michael and told him that they would see him tomorrow. Brian knew that Michael was a little pissed about that but knew it would blow over. Brian and Steve continued to enjoy their evening. It wasn't until later when Gus insisted that Brian be the one to put him to bed that the tension returned. 

 

Lindsey watched Brian carry Gus up. Steve watched Lindsey. "I love him you know. And I make him happy." 

 

Lindsey turned and looked at Steve. "I know." 

 

Steve looked at Lindsey. "But I'm not Justin." 

 

Lindsey nodded. "No, you aren't. Just remember this Steve. Justin loved and made Brian happy too. Everyone in the family loves Justin and we were all very mad at what happened. We've never met you until now. You're still a stranger to us but for Brian's sake, we're going to try to get to know you." 

 

Steve looked intently at Lindsey. "Fair enough. I hope that one day I'll be considered family as well." 

 

Brian came down the stairs smiling over the evening he had spent with Gus. Steve rose and met him at the bottom of the stairs with a smile. "Asleep already?" 

 

Brian nodded. "Out like a light." 

 

Bending down, Brian kissed Steve thoroughly. 

 

"Can I get you two something more to drink?" Lindsey asked, moving toward the kitchen. 

 

"No thanks." Both men said in unison. 

 

"Brian, I'm sure Lindsey is exhausted herself, being the only parent home right now. Why don't we help her clean up and then go home so she can have some quiet time and go to bed." Steve suggested. 

 

"Sounds like a plan." He said as he began to walk toward the kitchen, passing a surprised Lindsey. "Come on Lindsey. The faster we do this the sooner you can take a bubble bather and relax." 

 

Lindsey smiled and shook her head. "That does sound good. You two can do the dishes and I'll pick up the mess in the living room." 

 

Lindsey could hear the murmuring and quiet laughter and shook her head sadly. She wondered why Brian couldn't have been this way with Justin. She also wondered if she should warn him about the dinner at Deb's that was planned for tomorrow night. At the sound of laughter, she decided not too. They'd find out when Deb ordered them over. 

 

In no time at all everything was done and they stood at the front door making their goodbyes. Steve said goodnight and moved on to the car to give Brian and Lindsey a little time alone. 

Brian watched Steve walk away and turned to face Lindsey. "Thanks Linds." 

 

Lindsey looked puzzled at Brian. "You're welcome but you know you can always see Gus and have dinner anytime." 

 

Brian shook his head. "That's not why I was thanking you. Thank you for giving Steve a chance and not throwing Justin in our faces." 

 

Lindsey looked down and sighed. "Brian, we love you. That's why, but to be honest it's hard." 

 

Brian nodded. "Because he isn't Justin?" 

 

"Yes." Lindsey said looking back up at him. "And because he is the cause of all of Justin's pain." 

 

Brian sighed. "Linds, I'm the one who caused the pain because I chose Steve, not Justin. I'm the one who broke Justin's heart. Steve didn't do anything." 

 

Lindsey bit her tongue. "I'll see you tomorrow?" 

 

Brian knew that Lindsey was changing the subject and sighed. "I don't know. Depends on what Michael has planned. If not, how about brunch on Sunday?" 

 

Lindsey nodded. "Sounds good. Give me a call, okay?" 

 

Brian leaned forward and kissed Lindsey. "Will do. Later." 

 

Lindsey watched as Brian joined Steve in the car and drove away before going inside and picking up the phone. 

 

***************************************** 

 

The next day after lying around, making love, and relaxing, Brian and Steve walked into the diner a little after noon. Brian didn't remember the diner being quite so busy before. 

 

Debbie saw Brian and cried out. The diner suddenly seemed to grow quiet as everyone looked at the former stud of Liberty Ave. Debbie walked over and hugged Brian tightly to her. "It's good to see you kiddo." 

 

Debbie looked over and eyed Steve. Before she could say anything however, the bell rang and the cook hollered. "Deb! Order up!" 

 

That seemed to break the spell on the place as it erupted once more with noise. "I'm short a waiter. Find a seat." She said as she began to walk away. 

 

"Oh! Dinner! My house tonight. Seven, be there!" Deb yelled over the noise.


	4. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Lunch had not been the welcome home that Brian had wanted or even expected. The boys had already eaten and each left giving an excuse of having to run an errand or work but all claimed they'd see them at Deb's and that they would catch up then. 

 

Brian sat down in the booth the guys had just vacated. Something was up. He just knew it. They were trying to punish him. Well fuck them. 

 

Steve looked at Brian and could see him getting angry. "What's the matter?" 

 

"I can't believe what they're doing! They did that on purpose to punish me." Brian said angrily. 

 

Steve sighed. "Punish you for what?" Although he had an idea what Brian was thinking. 

 

"For being gone so long." 

 

Steve let out the breath he was holding, relieved. He was getting a little tired of Justin interfering in their lives, even when he wasn't around. Steve's relief was short lived though when Brian continued. 

 

"And because of Justin." 

 

Inwardly Steve winced. Outwardly he put on a comforting smile. "I think you're being a bit overly sensitive. You've been gone for quite a while. They've moved on with their lives just as you have. You didn't really expect things to be the same did you?" 

 

Now it was Brian's turn to sigh. "No…Yes, I guess I did. You're right." 

 

Brian and Steve placed their orders and while they waited, Steve asked questions about Pittsburgh and Brian's friends and family. Brian answered all of them honestly and for once without sarcasm. 

 

Deb overheard quite a bit of it and smiled that it was about time her bad boy had grown up. Unfortunately it was with the wrong man. 

 

When the food arrived, they ate with very little conversation, both deep in thought. Steve thought about what Brian had told him about his friends and about what Lindsey had said the night before. He realized that this weekend wasn't going to be the easy one he was expecting. He knew that it was going to be hard being the stranger. They were a tight knit family and he had underestimated the family love or just how much they meant to Brian. 

 

Brian meanwhile was wondering if Steve was really right. Was he really overreacting? Was it his own guilt over Justin that he was projecting onto everyone else? Why was he still feeling guilty? He loved Steve. He knew he did. He enjoyed and liked his life with him. It was a good life and most of the time he was happy. So why? Why after a year did thoughts of Justin still bother him? 

 

Once both men were finished, they rose, told Deb that they'd see her at dinner and left. Brian played tour guide and walked Steve down Liberty Ave. and showed him those sites before driving him over to Tremont to show him where his loft had been. He then spent the rest of the day showing Steve the highlights of Pittsburgh. 

 

They made it back to the hotel with a couple of hours before they had to be at Debbie's. They spent those two hours making love, trying to reaffirm their love. They showered and barely made it to Debbie's on time. 

 

Walking into Debbie's, Brian was surprised to find that everyone was already there, including some he wasn't expecting. Brian quickly made the introductions and paused when he came to the last person. 

 

"Steve… I'd like you to meet Jennifer. Jennifer, this is Steve." Brian said. 

 

Steve smiled and reached out to shake her hand. She politely shook his hand, her country club background firmly in place. "It's nice to meet you, Jennifer. And how do you know Brian?" 

 

Jennifer looked at Brian and Brian uncomfortably looked at Steve. "Jennifer is Justin's mother." 

 

Steve looked in surprise at Jennifer and then at Brian. 'Shit!' Steve thought. 'They are setting us up.' 

 

Before Steve could come up with anything to say, Debbie called out. "Dinner's ready. Everyone grab a seat." 

 

Everyone ignored Brian and Steve and moved to the table. Brian and Steve joined them, both feeling uncomfortable. Conversation at the table though tense flowed as everyone filled everyone else in about what was going on in their lives. Michael was unusually quiet for once giving only a few replies to questions asked him. 

 

Brian finally had enough and decided to ask him something that he knew would bring him to life. "So how is Rage doing? I haven't heard you say anything about it." 

 

Michael shot Brian an angry look. "Of course not. It's done." 

 

Brian was confused by Michael's look and answer. "What do you mean?" 

 

Michael looked around the table and stopped at Jennifer. Jennifer cleared her throat. "Brian, what did you say to Justin when you went and talked to him?" 

Brian looked over at Jennifer. "Just that he needed to get his act together, that I still cared for him but only as a friend and that he needed to move on. That I was with Steve and that wasn't going to change. Why? What does that have to do with Michael and Rage?" 

 

"Have you talked to him or seen him since then?" Jennifer continued, not answering Brian's question. 

 

Steve had a feeling that he knew what was going on but didn't know what to say. Looking down at his hands he waited to see if he was right. 

 

Brian looked around the table. "No, I haven't. I've been living my life and trying to stay out of Justin's so that he will move on." 

 

Debbie snorted. "Yeah, he moved on all right." 

 

Brian getting frustrated threw down him napkin. "What the hell are you all getting at? I asked Michael a question and now suddenly it's all about when was the last time I saw Justin." 

 

Michael turned angrily to Brian. "Because asshole. Justin has disappeared! There is no more 'Rage'!" 

 

Brian looked shocked. "What do you mean he's disappeared?" 

 

Jennifer took control of the conversation again. "After you talked to him, I thought I'd give him some time. So I didn't talk to him figuring he would call me when he was ready to talk. Finally, I got worried cause I hadn't heard from him in so long. So, I called his apartment only to find out that he had moved out and left no forwarding address. So I next tried his cell phone. It was no longer in service. I quickly contacted the school. Do you know what they told me? That he had withdrawn from his classes and had dropped out of the program altogether. He has simply disappeared. I want to know where my son is!" 

 

Brian stood up. "He couldn't have dropped out. The school would have contacted me to ask about refunding me the money for his tuition. And I haven't been." 

 

Brian looked down at Steve and was surprised to see that Steve wouldn't look at him. "Steve?" 

 

Steve sighed and knew this wasn't going to go well. "I knew. I was home when the call came from the school wanting to know if it was okay to give Justin the refund check for him to bring to us. I said yes." 

 

Brian was shocked. "And you didn't think to tell me this? Why?!" 

 

Steve sighed. "I hoped he would leave New York with it and start over somewhere else. Away from us so that we could move on. So that maybe he could move on." 

 

Brian began to get angry. "You had no right." 

 

Steve stood up. "We will discuss this when we get home. I'm not going to fight with you here." 

 

"You most certainly will discuss this right now." Debbie said as she and Jennifer stood up. 

 

"Where is my son, Steve?" Jennifer said angrily. 

 

Steve turned angrily to her but stopped when he realized that she was just a concerned mother looking for her son. Taking a deep breath so he wouldn't snap at her he said. "I don't know. Other then releasing the funds, I didn't contact him about anything." 

 

Jennifer looked as if she was about to cry and Steve began to feel bad for her. Brian looked at Jennifer. "Don't worry, Jennifer. I'll find him and when I do I'll let you know where he is." 

 

Jennifer nodded and sat back down. Dinner was over. No one felt like eating and Brian left the table and grabbed his coat. Steve left and grabbed his coat as well and looked over at the table and the people sitting around it. No one was paying them any attention and he knew that he had just made it even harder for him to be accepted. Well, that wasn't his concern right now. Right now he had to figure out how to make Brian see that what he had done was for them, for all of them and to stop Brian from searching for Justin. It was no longer his concern and he had to see that. 

 

The ride back to the hotel was made in silence and even Steve was beginning to get angry. How dare these people throw Justin in their faces as if he was their responsibility. Brian had been right, they had planned something and how Brian was mad at him for not telling him about Justin withdrawing. The thing that made him even angrier than what these people had done was that Brian was once again going to the rescue of Justin. 

 

Brian parked the car and walked into the hotel without looking at Steve. Much to Steve's surprise instead of going to the elevator to their room, Brian left him standing there and walked into the bar instead. He had thought that they were going to go up to the room and discuss this. 

 

Steve followed Brian into the bar and watched him down a shot. "Brian, don't do this. Let's go upstairs and discuss this. You getting angry and drunk isn't going to help anything." 

 

Brian turned angrily to Steve. "You're right, it won't help anything. What will help is me getting away from you for awhile before I say or do something I may regret later. So leave me alone, Steve." 

 

Steve was shocked but he guessed he shouldn't have been giving Brian's history on how he used to deal with things. "All right, I'll go but just remember one thing. I love you." 

 

Steve turned around and went up to their room. When he reached the room, he made himself a drink and sat down to think about what had just happened. Brian was mad at him but he knew that he had done the right thing. He had needed to get Justin out of their lives and it finally seemed to be working. How was he to know that Justin would use the money to disappear? Why couldn't he have just gone home and used the money to get started back at PIFA and if he didn't want to do that, there were plenty of good art schools that would have taken him. Damn! Now he was back in their lives, causing problems and he wasn't even here! 

 

***************************************** 

 

An hour later, Brian walked in. Steve looked up from where he was sitting, set down his glass and waited for Brian to say something. He could tell that he wasn't drunk and while he appeared calmer, he could tell he was still mad. 

 

Brian stopped about half way into the room. "I want to know one thing. Why? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you feel you needed to make the decision?" 

 

Steve sighed. "Brian, I love you and I know you love me but you still love Justin as well. I felt the only way for you to get over him and for him to get over you was for him to go away. He needs to find a life for himself and stay out of ours so that we can create and move on with ours." 

 

Brian shook his head. "He was out of our lives. Except for talking to him about the sale of the townhouse and the conversation I had with him at school, we haven't seen or heard from him since I moved in with you! Are you really that insecure about us?!" 

 

Now Steve began to feel emotions that he had been keeping down for awhile begin to boil to the surface. Standing, he began to pace. "He's out of our lives?! Like hell he is. How many times have you walked into our home and shouted 'Justin, I'm home'! Or how about when you've been reading something that you wanted to share with me that you've called me Justin. Better yet, how many times while we were making love and have you cried out Justin's name! How do you think that makes me feel?!" 

 

Brian looked shocked. "I…I haven't done that, have I?" 

 

He watched Steve stop and look at him and knew that he had. "I'm sorry if I have done that. Justin and I were together for three years. It was probably done just out of habit. But that doesn't change any of this. It still wasn't your decision to make." 

 

Steve took a deep breath and let it out, trying to let go of his hurt and anger. "I guess this must have been how Justin felt about me, but Brian, you said that we were partners. So I did what I thought was best for all involved." 

 

Brian tried to let his anger go and was beginning to succeed. "I know but you still should have told me. You also seem to forget. I had to make a choice and I chose you. It's you I live with, go to sleep with and wake up every morning. Not Justin. He wasn't doing anything to us and couldn't." 

 

Steve walked over to where Brian stood and placed his hand on his arm. "Brian, I don't want you to go looking for Justin. When he's ready, he'll contact his mom and the others. Let him go. Let us get on with our lives." 

 

Brian began to get angry again, so he moved away from Steve. It was apparent that he hadn't heard him. "I can't do that. I promised Jennifer that I'd find him and I will. I'll hire private investigators to do it. I won't do it myself. I'll also make sure that they report to me at the office, that way as far as you are concerned, he's out of our lives. Meanwhile, I'll try to be more conscientious of what I say. I'll say this one more time. Steve, I love you and it was you that I picked. Try to remember that the next time you get upset about Justin. Now, I'm going to bed." 

 

Steve watched Brian undress and crawl into the bed. Walking over, he undressed and got in as well, only to have Brian roll so that his back was to him. Steve sighed. This weekend hadn't turned out as he had expected at all and once again, the ghost of Justin Taylor was hanging over them.


	5. Falling Down the Primrose Path

3 Years Later 

 

Brian was sitting at his desk, frustrated at another dead end report from his private investigator. They had managed to trace Justin as far as Colorado but there they had lost him. Brian couldn't figure out how Justin had done it. Every time they thought they had a lead, it never panned out. He had even hired detectives in Europe in case Justin had gone there, but nothing. Three years and nothing. Brian had kept in touch with Jennifer hoping that Justin would contact her but even she hadn't heard anything. 

 

Everyone's lives had moved on and things had happened within the family. Lindsey and Mel had had another child with Michael as the father. Michael and Ben had adopted a street kid named Hunter. Ted was back with Blake, Vic had found a partner named Rodney, and Deb and Jennifer had both gotten married. 

 

Everyone was living happy lives except it seemed for Brian and Steve. Brian had kept to his word and never talked about Justin at home and even watched what he said to make sure that he never called Steve, Justin again. This however had caused problems of its own. Because of this, the open relationship that had been building had become stilted and was slowly closing down. 

 

Brian sighed and stood to leave. He was picking up Steve and they were going to an art show in the village. He had heard that a couple of artists who were making names for themselves were to be presented along with some new upcoming ones at the show. He hadn't had time to go over the program but then again, with Justin disappearing like he did, who was to say that he was even using his real name. 

 

Entering the duplex, he walked up to Steve and placed a light kiss on the top of his head. "Evening, you all ready to go?" 

 

Steve looked up from where he was sitting and nodded. "All set." 

 

Brian nodded. "Let me go grab a quick shower and change. I'll be down in a minute." 

 

Steve nodded and sighed as he watched Brian walk away from him. Steve knew they were falling apart and he wasn't sure what to do about it. Steve knew that Brian had remained faithful to him for the most part but he also knew that Brian was playing the dutiful partner at the same time. Going to shows, charity functions, and such. But the one thing that Brian had become engrossed in was supporting the arts and going to as many shows as he could. Steve wanted to believe it was because he himself enjoyed art shows and that this was something that they had in common but he knew that it was because of Justin. He knew that Brian hoped that one day, Justin's work would show up and he would be able to trace him from there. 

 

Justin, the ex-boyfriend, the man he had stolen Brian from, the one who without even being around was a wedge that was slowly tearing them apart. Steve had once tried to get involved in the search for Justin when Brian had been particularly frustrated. He had gotten his head bitten off for the effort. Brian had reminded him that it was his fault that Justin was missing in the first place. Steve had told him that he was being unfair and he had just glared at him, then Brian had told him he was right. It wasn't Steve's fault but his, his for not taking better care of Justin, for being too wrapped up in his own happiness to notice or even care that he managed to disappear in the first place. 

 

Steve had tried to make Brian see that it wasn't his fault either. That really the fault was Justin's for not letting go, for trying to hang on, for not being a man and moving on with his life. This had done nothing more but anger Brian even more. Brian had continued to yell at Steve, telling him he had no idea what kind of man Justin was. That in his few years, he had lived through more pain and disappointment than Steve had ever had. Brian had stormed out of the duplex then. It was after that that Brian had started working longer hours. 

 

When Brian walked back into the room, Steve couldn't help but smile. "You look fantastic." 

 

Steve walked over and hugged Brian to him. He would have loved to suggest they do something else tonight but there again, a mistake once made not to be repeated. "What say after the gallery, we go to that little Bistro that we like so much for dinner? We haven't been there in awhile." 

 

Brian knew that Steve was trying to act as if everything was fine between them. "That sounds good. We can call and make reservations on the way to the gallery." 

 

Steve smiled happily and Brian felt a stab of guilt at the lack of attention he had been paying Steve lately. Putting his arm around him, they walked out the door and down to the car that was waiting for them. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Arriving at the gallery, Brian and Steve were greeted by people they knew and for the first fifteen minutes or so, talked with them. Finally Brian left Steve to roam among the statues, painting, drawings, and photographs from the artists of the show. Suddenly he stopped. Hanging on the wall was a large painting that reminded him of some of Justin's work from when he was first drawing again after the bashing. He walked up to it to get a closer look and was positive that it was done by Justin. Looking for the artist signature, he saw it signed by a JTaylor. That confirmed it. He had finally found a lead on Justin. 

 

Steve watching Brian saw the change in his stance and the sudden smile on his face. Walking over, he saw the darkish painting. "It's kind of dark, isn't it? What do you like about it?" 

 

Brian turned with a smile to Steve. "Justin did it." 

Steve didn't know how to feel. Glad that maybe the ghost of Justin would be laid to rest or upset because Justin would be back even more now. "Are you sure? I haven't seen him anywhere here." 

 

Brian nodded, "I'd know his work anywhere. The fact that it's sighed JTaylor just clinches it. We've got to find him. Maybe Michelle can find him for us." 

 

The men looked around for the gallery owner and quickly spotted her. Walking over to her, Brian asked. "Michelle, there is a painting over there by a JTaylor, that we'd like more information on. Can we speak to the artist?" 

 

Michelle smiled and began looking around until she saw the person she was looking for. "Certainly, why don't you go back to the painting and we'll meet you there. I'll be right back." 

 

Brian and Steve went back to the painting. Brian kept looking around for Justin and looking at the painting. Soon he saw Michelle coming with a blond but it wasn't Justin but a woman. He was confused, where was Justin? He knew this was his work. 

 

Michelle stopped and smiled. "Brian, Steve, this is Jules, she'll be happy to answer your questions." 

 

Michelle walked off, leaving the three people together. "So what did you want to know?" 

 

Brian looked at the woman. She appeared to be in her early thirties and was impeccably dressed. When he looked up, he caught her green eyes staring intently at him. 

 

"Not what you were expecting?" She asked. 

 

Brian nodded his head. How could he have been so wrong? "I though the artist was someone else. Someone I knew but haven't seen in a long time." 

 

"Oh? And who did you think the artist was?" Jules asked. 

 

Brian shrugged. "I though it was a man named Justin Taylor." 

 

Jules looked at both men. "Oh, well. Sorry. Do you still want information on the painting?" 

 

Brian shook his head no. "No thanks, sorry to waste your time." 

 

Jules nodded her head. "That's okay. Maybe you'll find something you like here." 

 

Jules walked off and Brian turned to look at the painting again. Steve came and put his hand on Brian's shoulder. "I'm sorry it wasn't him." 

Brian continued to look at the painting. "She's lying. Justin did paint this but for some reason doesn't want to see me. Surely after three years he's moved on." 

 

Steve didn't say anything but thought, 'You mean like you did?' 

 

"So what do you want to do?" Steve asked. 

 

Brian kept looking at the painting. "The first thing I'm going to do is buy this painting and any others that are by JTaylor that are here that haven't been bought yet. The next thing I'm going to do is after the show is over I'm going to have Michelle give me the information on Jules. After that, I'm contacting my investigator and giving him the information. I know she's lying and he's going to prove it for me." 

 

Steve watched as Brian walked around and located the rest of JTaylor's work and then went to find Michelle to start the ball of his plan rolling. He sighed and wished there was something that he could do but he knew there was no talking Brian out of it. Where Justin was concerned, Brian had become obsessed with finding him and Steve was beginning to realize that maybe he wasn't the right choice for Brian after all. Maybe he had been wrong all those years ago to go after Brian, and he had gone after Brian, regardless of what he had told people. 

 

Steve went and sat down while Brian continued to talk to Michelle. He'd come and find him when he was ready to go home, maybe. Steve thought back to when he had first decided to go after Brian. He had known that Brian had a partner but had wanted him anyway, even for a one time deal. It wasn't until he saw that Brian's partner was a teenager that he decided that he was going to have him. He had figured that a teenager would get over the breakup quickly and that Brian would see that he was better off with someone more mature. 

 

It wasn't hard really. He knew that Brian had been feeling guilty about that weekend at the cabin. So he pulled back. He had seen how happy Brian was with Justin and decided to do the right thing. He moved to London but he wasn't happy and couldn't forget about Brian. He truly thought that he could make Brian happier. So he began his gentle maneuverings. Calls that could have been handled by anyone else, he began making himself, just so he could talk to Brian, to make Brian not forget about him. Then he began to start up conversations during these calls so that they would last longer. 

 

Then came the night that he couldn't help himself, he called Brian drunk and poured out his heart to him. Telling him how much he missed him and cared about him. He hadn't really been that drunk but it was the excuse that he used. He knew after that phone call that he had managed to put a wedge even an unknown one between Brian and Justin's relationship. All he had to do now was to show up and claim him and that was what he had done. He really hadn't planned on Justin finding them the way he had. He had wanted Brian to break it to him as gently as he could; after all he wasn't really a cruel man. Just a man who knew what he wanted. And now after everything, he was still losing him to a man who couldn't be found. The same man he had taken him from. 

 

Steve watched Brian shake Michelle's hand and walked toward him smiling. "I did it. I got about four of Justin's paintings and the information on Jules. I don't have to wait for the show to end after all." 

 

Steve smiled weakly at Brian. "That's good. You ready to go now?" 

 

Brian looked around the gallery once again. "I'm ready." 

 

***************************************** 

 

A Week Later 

 

Brian sat at his desk having just gotten off the phone with the private investigator. He looked over the papers he had gotten from him this morning. He had been right about Jules. She wasn't an artist but what she was worried him. 

 

Jules Blackmore was a licensed and registered physical therapist currently employed as a live in companion to a J. Taylor. There were several photos of a gated house and Jules doing various things but not one single photo of J. Taylor. Brian knew that the artist was Justin but why did he need Jules and why didn't he ever leave the house? 

 

Brian continued to look at the pictures and set them down with a sigh. He probably should have just confronted Jules but he didn't have anything to back him up at the time. He needed to think over his next step very carefully. He was so close to the end he could taste it and didn't want to screw it up and scare him off. 

 

That night as he sat eating dinner with Steve, he knew he had to tell Steve of his decision. "I know that I said I'd never talk about it with you so that you wouldn't feel that he was still in our lives but I need to tell you a few things and what I'm going to be doing." 

 

Steve looked up and set down his fork. Brian had been true to his word but it hadn't stopped the ghost of Justin from being there anyway. "What are you going to do?" 

 

Brian set down his fork as well. "Well the investigator that I had looking into Jules located the house. She is the private companion of the artist JTaylor. She is also a licensed and registered physical therapist. The investigator couldn't locate anything on JTaylor back any farther than two and a half years ago. I need to know why Justin needs a live-in therapist and never goes out." 

 

Steve looked down and sighed. He knew where Brian was going with it. "When do we leave?" 

 

Brian cleared his throat. "We don't. I leave tomorrow on the one o'clock flight." 

 

Steve started to say something but Brian stopped him. "I know you want to go with me but I need to go alone. I think I have a better chance of seeing him than if we both go. Steve, understand I need to do this." 

 

Steve sighed again and got up from the table. "Okay, Brian but when you get back I want us to take a long trip. I don't mean a weekend trip or even a week off. I mean I want us to take about a month and go off somewhere, just you and me." 

 

Brian looked at Steve and knew he was serious, he knew that Steve wasn't happy with things the way they had been and if he was honest, neither was he. Maybe Steve was right. If they could get away without the baggage then maybe they could reconnect, get back to how they were in the beginning of their relationship. "Alright, when I get back and Justin has contacted the family, we'll go away." 

 

Steve looked at Brian and nodded. "Good. Do you have any place you'd like to go or will you leave it to me to plan?" 

 

Brian smiled slightly. "Why don't you plan it. Surprise me." 

 

Steve smiled back. "Alright, I will but that means no complaining." 

 

Brian nodded. "I won't unless you put us up in some dump." 

 

Steve laughed and it felt good. "Oh no, I know better than to take you away from your luxuries." 

 

Brian laughed as well and realized that they hadn't done much of it in awhile. "You're damn right." 

 

***************************************** 

 

The next morning saw Steve saying goodbye to Brian at the airport before returning home to plan their getaway. The sooner it happened, the better as far as he was concerned. 

 

Meanwhile, Brian sat on the plane thinking over his life and the choices he had made. He had found himself thinking more and more about Justin. He felt the excitement and eagerness building the closer he got to Colorado and not for the first time did he wonder if maybe he had made the wrong choice three years ago. 

 

Upon landing, he grabbed his luggage and picked up his rental car, than headed for his hotel. He was meeting his investigator for dinner and getting a more detailed report from him before he went to see for himself. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Dinner with the investigator had revealed little new information about JTaylor but he did find out more about Jules. She had until two and a half years ago, worked at a local hospital. That was when she moved in with JTaylor and quit working at the hospital but continued to keep herself licensed and registered. This worried him. If JTaylor was Justin, and he knew it was, why did he have her living with him? 

 

Brian got in his car and following the directions the investigator gave him found the house with very little problem. Parking outside the gate he stared through it trying to detect if anyone was home. Now that he was here, he began to feel nervous and suddenly didn't know what to say. Finally he decided it would be better for him to come back in the morning. 

 

Once back to his hotel room, he fixed himself a drink and sat staring out at the city lights. He had to admit that Colorado was pretty, a good place for an artist, if the artist was into landscapes. That wasn't Justin. The more he thought about the whole thing, the more agitated he became and all kinds of images flowed through his brain. Finally he got up and crawled into bed. Calling Steve, forgotten, crowded out by the worry and fear about Justin. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian was up and waiting at the gate by 8 o'clock. He knew it was too early but wanted to make sure that no one left and if they did, he would be there to follow them. At nine, a delivery truck pulled up and he knew that he could then approach the house. Pulling up to the gate, he pushed the announce button and waited. 

 

"Yes?" A female voice said. 

 

Brian gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Yes, my name is Brian Kinney and I need to speak with Justin please." 

 

There was a pause before the voice came on again. "I'm sorry. You have the wrong address." 

 

Brian sighed. "Jules, we met in New York. I bought four of the paintings by JTaylor and I know that he is Justin, a man that I…I had a relationship with. I'm not here because he's a famous artist. I'm here because we have some unfinished business that really needs to be taken care of." 

 

Again there was a long pause before she responded. "I'm sorry but Mr. Taylor is not taking any visitors at this time. Good day." 

 

Brian knew that he had been dismissed and wasn't sure what he could do. Pulling back out of the drive, he sat and watched the house some more. Before long he saw the delivery truck come back down the drive and the gate opened. Brian watched as the gate slowly opened and the truck drove through. He also saw that the gate took awhile to close as well. That was when the idea hit him. 

 

Brian continued to sit there throughout the day, watching and waiting for the next possible delivery or for someone to visit or leave. After waiting for two hours, he saw another delivery truck arrive and waited for the gates to start to open. Getting out of his car, Brian ran up and slipped in before the gates could close all the way. He was determined to see Justin and he always got what he wanted. 

 

Brian watched and waited until the delivery truck left and walked up to the back door where he had seen Jules last. Reaching out he turned the knob and found, as he hoped that it was unlocked. Pushing open the door, Brian walked in and found himself in a large, roomy kitchen. Standing at the counter going over a list was Jules. 

 

"Hello Jules, may I see Justin now please." Brian said as he watched the young woman jump. 

 

Jules whirled around in astonishment. "How did you…?" 

 

Brian smiled. "If you know anything about me, you'd know that I don't take no for an answer." 

 

Brian moved until he was standing in front of her with his back to the rest of the room. 

"Now, Justin please." 

 

Jules gathered herself quickly. "No, you may not. You need to leave right now or I'll have to call the police and have them remove you for trespassing." 

 

Brian shook his head and smiled. "I don't think so. Justin might not be too happy if you did that." 

 

Just then a voice spoke behind him. "Get the hell out of my house."


	6. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Brian turned in surprise and felt as if he had been punched. 

 

"Get the hell out of my house!" Justin yelled. 

 

Brian watched as Justin turned and rolled out of the room. "Justin! Wait!" 

 

Brian moved to follow Justin but found his way blocked by an angry Jules. "Oh no you don't! He's been through enough. He's finally managed to work through most of his nightmares and you, his biggest one comes true." 

 

Brian started to try and walk past her but was pushed back both physically and mentally when her words hit. "I'm one of his nightmares?" 

 

Jules was still angry at the man for barging in and messing up quite a bit of the progress Justin had managed to make but could tell that what he had seen was an extreme shock to him. "Yes, didn't you do enough three years ago! Leave him alone!" 

 

Brian moved back toward the kitchen counters and leaned against them and dropped his head. He thought he might be sick. "What happened to him?" 

 

Just then a loud crash filled the air, followed by another one. Jules looked at him but he could tell she was torn. "Don't you move. You leave this room and I'll have you tossed out of here so fast you won't know what hit you. I need to go to Justin. Stay or leave. I don't care." 

 

Brian kept his back to Jules so she couldn't see the tears in his eyes. Hearing more noise followed by some screaming, he turned and followed them to their source. Coming to a door that was partially closed, he stopped. A soothing voice was talking and slowly the yelling and other noises stopped. Quietly he stood and listened. 

 

"Why!? Why is he here? I never wanted to see him or him to see me! I thought I was finally going to be free." Justin cried with a hitch in his voice as he tried to hold himself together. 

 

Jules sighed. "I don't know Justin and I know how you felt. I'm sorry." 

 

Justin continued to fight his tears. "I thought I was finally moving on, getting better but I'm not. I'm still not ready and I don't think I'll ever be. Why couldn't I have just died?" 

 

Justin finally gave into his tears and his sobs neatly tore a hole in Brian's heart. They quickly became muffled and Brian risked a peek through the doorway. Jules was kneeling on the floor with her arms around Justin, murmuring. Brian felt as if he was intruding and realized that he was. He didn't belong here. Moving away from the door, Brian went back to the kitchen to wait for Jules to return. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Thirty minutes later Jules walked back into the kitchen. She wasn't surprised to still see Brian there but had hoped he would have gone. "I see you helped yourself to the coffee." 

 

Brian watched as Jules walked over and poured herself a cup, adding some sugar and cream, then took a long drink before she finally faced him. 

 

Jules looked over the man sitting at the kitchen table. "So what do you want?" 

 

Brian looked through the doorway. "Is he okay?" 

 

Jules followed his look. "He was asleep when I left him. I had to give him a sedative." 

 

Jules sighed. "Just so you know, you barging in here like this probably set him back. He was finally going a couple of weeks without having any nightmares. I'm sure they'll be back to coming nightly now if not more than one a night. Not to mention the emotional train ride he has just been on. I'm going to have to call his psychologist as soon as possible." 

 

Brian looked down at the coffee cup he was holding. "What happened?" 

 

Jules stared at Brian until he looked back up at her. "I want you to understand one thing. I'm only telling you because I know your history. He never wanted to see you again. He never wanted you to see him especially after what happened. Hell, he didn't want anyone from his past to see him this way." 

 

Brian repeated his question. "What happened?" 

 

Now it was Jules' turn to play with her coffee cup. "A little over three years ago, Justin was in a car accident. He and the driver were both drunk and high. Justin called it 'pain management'." 

 

Brian flinched at her choice of words and felt the blood rush out of his face. "Why did you call it that?" 

 

Jules saw Brian's reaction and now knew where Justin had gotten it from. "That's what Justin called it. By your reaction I now know where he learned his 'pain management' from." 

 

Brian nodded and took a deep breath. "So you were telling me what happened?" 

 

Jules knew that Brian was uncomfortable with what he was hearing and she was certain by the time she was finished, he would be feeling guilty as well. "Apparently, Justin had just left this club when this man hit on him and he decided to go with him. According to the people in the other vehicle, the jeep Justin was in was swerving all over the road. They tried to avoid hitting them and said it was a miracle that they hadn't hit any harder than they had. The blow was only glancing but enough to send the jeep off the other side of the road. 

 

The driver was killed instantly and Justin was thrown out of the jeep. He fell about twenty feet down a hill. It's a miracle that he's even alive." 

 

Jules sighed and took a drink of her coffee. "When he went through the window, some fragments went into his left eye, destroying it. His back was broken but luckily his spinal cord wasn't severed. He was in surgery for approximately an hour and a half when he suddenly began to have some kind of reaction. He was closed up quickly and taken off the anesthesia. He seemed to get better and was placed in recovery. It was there that he began to have another reaction and go into anaphylactic shock. A quick allergy test was run as it was feared more harm would happen." 

 

Brian stopped her. "He has a medical alert card in his wallet with a list of everything. Why didn't they look there? They could have killed him considering everything he's allergic to." 

 

Jules shook her head. "It wasn't on him. No credit cards, nothing. We couldn't even contact next of kin as his drivers license was a newly issued Colorado one that led to a fairly empty apartment." 

 

Brian was shocked. Justin was always careful that way. Had he really been that self-destructive the last time he had seen him and in his happiness he just hadn't seen it? "So if he was operated on, why is he still in a wheelchair?" 

 

"The operation wasn't finished. They had to close him up too soon." Jules informed him. "He had to have several short surgeries to repair his spine. Usually when it has to do with the back, they try to get them up and walking as soon as possible. With Justin however, they found bone fragments close to his spinal cord which meant even more short neurosurgeries. Then between the scar tissue and swelling he was in bed for a total of six months before he even started to learn to move again." 

 

Jules thought she heard something and paused to listen. When she didn't hear anything, she continued. "That's when I came in. I was a physical therapist at the hospital and assigned to Justin's case. Unfortunately Justin didn't seem to care. He was angry, belligerent, and depressed. The psychiatrist was working with him but wasn't having anymore luck than the rest of us. When he wasn't shut down, he was lashing out. So one day while he was at occupation therapy, the psychiatrist and I went through his things that had been brought over from his apartment but he had left untouched. That was when we found out he was an artist. He must have loved you very much. There were drawings of you in all the books but of course we had no idea who you were or how to get in touch with you." 

 

Brian winched as if he had been hit but nodded his head. He knew how much Justin loved him and felt a wave of guilt wash over him. 

 

Jules continued as if she hadn't noticed. "Well, that was when I got an idea and talked it over with the psychiatrist. He agreed that it might be a way in which to reach Justin. In pediatrics there was a little five year old boy who had a similar injury to his back. So one day I wheeled Justin down to the peds day room where Ricky was sitting drawing. Justin didn't say a word and just stared out the window. He remained there for an hour while Ricky chatted away to the nurses and others who were in the room. When I came back down to take Justin back to his room, Ricky stopped us and handed Justin a picture. Said he hoped it made him feel better cause it made him feel better drawing it. Justin looked down at Ricky and then at the picture he had been given. You should have seen the look on Justin's face. He thanked Ricky and when Ricky asked if he'd see him the next day, he said maybe. On the way back up to his room, Justin asked about Ricky and what had happened to him. Ricky had climbed up a ladder onto the roof of his house to get an airplane that had been caught by the wind when he had thrown it. He slipped and fell off, breaking his back. Justin nodded and continued to look at the picture that Ricky had given him. After we had gotten him back into bed, I left him alone for a little while and when I stopped in to see him, I heard him crying. It was the first time, he'd cried since he had come to the hospital. We took it as a good sign." 

 

Jules paused to take another drink. "I need to go check on Justin. I'll be right back." 

 

Brian watched as Jules walked away and sighed. He was having a hard time taking in all he had been told. Most of all that Justin had gone through it all alone. He hadn't contacted anyone, not even his mother. He had a lot of questions but the only one he knew who could answer them was Justin and he didn't think that he would be allowed to talk to him anytime soon. 

 

Jules walked back into the room and sat back down. "Ok, let's see, where was I? Right, Ricky. The next day I took Justin back down to the peds day room. Ricky was there and was his usual cheerful self. Justin sat and watched him this time and if Ricky asked him questions, he would answer them. This went on for a couple of more days and Justin had begun to take to his occupational and physical therapy a bit more. He still wouldn't open up to the psychiatrist. Then one day Justin went down to see Ricky and found him in a bad mood. When Justin asked him what was the matter, Ricky was upset because he hated the picture he was making for his grandfather. He said it just didn't look right and he wanted it to be perfect. He threw his crayon down and began to cry. Justin reached over and picked up the crayon from the table. He sat rolling it around between his fingers for a minute and then told Ricky that maybe he could help. Ricky stopped crying and nodded his head. He then told Justin what he had been trying to draw." 

 

Jules got up and took her cup to the sink as she continued. "Justin helped Ricky to draw what it was he wanted to give his grandfather. It was the first time any of us had seen Justin draw since he had come to the hospital. It also seemed to be all that was needed to get Justin started. Of course he was still having trouble with depth perception every now and then but he began to work harder in all his therapies and when the psychiatrist saw his drawings, he began to question them and Justin began to answer him. It really was a major breakthrough." 

 

Turning back she faced Brian. "He now uses lofstrand crutches and a back brace in which to walk since his back is weak due to so many surgeries. While he is here at home, he walks but when he's painting, working on his computer and such, he uses his wheelchair." 

 

Brian stood and moved to the sink, placed his cup in and turned to face Jules. "If he was in the hospital for almost a year, how did he pay for it? I know for a fact that most hospitals aren't that concerned about their patients without there being insurance or money involved. What was he, the charity case picked to even out their quota?" 

 

Jules smiled slightly. "No, Justin wasn't a charity case. The man Justin was with was a well known and wealthy surgeon of the hospital. His insurance company paid for quite a bit considering he was the driver. More came from the doctor's family in the form of a settlement. Personally I think it was hush money." 

 

Brian nodded. "Yes but was that enough to cover everything?" 

 

Jules shook her head. It covered most of it but not all. That's where Ricky's grandfather came in. Ricky's grandfather is a pretty well know gallery owner here in Denver. He went to thank Justin for helping his grandson and saw some of his drawings. He seemed to be impressed with Justin's work and told him that he thought he knew of some patrons who would be interested in some of them. Justin knew that he would be running out of money soon and didn't know what he was going to do. He had already made it clear to all of us that he wouldn't contact his family no matter what. So, he told Ricky's grandfather okay and let him pick several of his paintings. And that is how JTaylor, the artist was born." 

 

Brian watched Jules go back and sit at the table. "And how do you fit into all of this?" 

 

Jules looked at Brian and shook her head. "The hospital decided Justin was ready to leave. He still needed home care as well as outpatient therapy. So, with the little money he had left, he bought a ground floor condo. Then he asked me if I'd be willing to move in with him, free room and board in exchange of home health care and continued therapy. I accepted. I liked Justin and knew that other than the people from the hospital, he knew no one. As things continued to go well for Justin he bought a bigger place and I became more of a companion and assistant." 

 

Jules stood up. "Not that it's really any of your business. So now that you know, I think it would be best if you left before Justin woke up. And please, don't come back. He has been through so much. The last thing he needs is for you to come barging back into his life only to leave again to go back to your own happy life. You are his past and that's where you need to stay." 

 

Brian got a little angry. "What right do you have to tell me not to come back? I care for Justin as does everyone in his family!" 

 

Jules also got angry. "What right! I'll tell you what right I have. I'm the one who sat up with him night after night when he had nightmares. I'm the one whose shoulder he cries on when things get rough and he feels like giving up. I'm the one who is slowly putting back together his broken heart and shattered self esteem so that maybe one day he will feel that he can go back out into the world as Justin and see his family. That's what gives me the right. Not because he pays me but because I'm his friend. Now get out and don't come back. He doesn't need you anymore." 

Brian felt his anger deflate in the brunt of her anger and with a sigh walked to the kitchen door. Right before he walked out he turned to Jules. "You know, I never meant to break Justin's heart. I do care about him." 

 

Jules nodded but her expression didn't soften. "Yeah, well if you cared so much about him, why did it take you over three years to find him? How long was it before you even knew he was missing?" 

 

Brian once again felt like he had been hit. She was right. "I…look, please try and talk Justin into calling his mother. She has been worried sick all these years. I won't say anything right away but I told her that I would find him and I will tell her that I have. If he calls her first however, then I won't have to and he can decide what he wants her to know and if he'll allow her to see him. She's still his mother. She has the right to know." 

 

"Thanks, I'll do what I can." Jules said. 

 

"Uhm, I'll be staying at the Hyatt for the next couple of days, if he wants to get in touch with me and I'm sure you have my New York info from the gallery sales." Brian closed the door behind him and slowly walked down the driveway where the gate opened for him. Climbing into his car he looked up at the house and began to cry. What was he going to tell Jennifer?


	7. Falling Down the Primrose Path

The past couple of days had been rough. Justin had fallen back emotionally to where he had been not long after he had started his therapy and release from the hospital. Nightmares had struck each night, sometimes more than once and during the day he would have fits of anger followed by bouts of tears. 

 

Jules was trying to get him to relax and talk over what had happened. At the moment Justin was stretched out on the massage table and Jules was working on a deep and relaxing massage. Justin was drowsing and while she was tempted to let him go on to sleep, she knew that now was the time to talk to him. 

 

"Justin?" Jules said as she continued to work on his legs. 

 

Justin was floating and knew he was about to fall asleep. "Hummm." 

 

"As much as I know you don't want to talk about it, we have too. Brian is going to tell your mother that he found you. He said it was up to you on whether or not he told her how you were. He said if you called her, he would leave it up to you and just tell her that he found you. If you don't, he'll tell her everything." Jules told him and continued to work on his back where she could see he had tensed up again. 

 

Justin sighed. "I know, I…I just don't know if I'm ready." 

 

Jules knelt down and looked Justin in the face. "You're ready. You've been ready; you're just scared. That's what all of this over the past couple of days has been about really. You're angry cause you can't hide any longer and the way you were found out. It's your fear that is causing you to act the way you are. 

 

Justin felt tears build. "I am scared. Sit with me when I call her? I don't know what exactly I'm going to say but you're right. I need to call her. It's past time I guess. I was just hoping that things would continue and I'd never have to move forward, things would stay the same." 

 

Jules placed her hand on Justin's cheek. "Of course I'll sit with you but you really don't need me. You're much stronger than you think you are. As for the other, there was never going to be a way to keep from moving forward. Life won't let us do anything but. Unfortunately, it's not always in the direction that we want to take." 

 

Justin sighed. "I know. Well, let me go take a shower and get dressed. Then I'll call. Give me an hour. Okay?" 

 

Jules stood up and grabbed a nearby towel and watched as Justin levered himself up and using the table stood carefully as she wiped her hands. "Okay, one hour Justin." 

 

Justin continued to use the table for help as he made his way to the end and sat down in the wheelchair. "Jules, you haven't said anything and I haven't asked but what did you tell Brian?" 

 

Jules walked over and bent to kiss Justin on the cheek. "Just the truth and I can tell you this. He still cares. What I told him gave him quite a shock and it hurt as well." 

 

Justin nodded. "Good. He needed to know the truth. At least that's one person I don't have to tell it too. Once Mom finds out, that's it. It's either going to come completely out or she won't tell anyone. I guess we'll just have to wait and see." 

 

Jules walked beside Justin as they moved down the hall. "So I guess that means you're going to tell her everything?" 

 

Justin got into the elevator that would take him upstairs to his bedroom. "I don't know. Maybe not everything, not yet but I'm going to have to tell her some of it. The thing I'm going to have to deal with though is her wanting to come out here and start taking care of me. I can't go through that. I'm an adult and I don't need my mommy to come and take care of me as if I was a helpless infant." 

 

Jules closed the gate but continued to look at Justin through the grate. "Do you think that might be one of the reasons you refused to call her in the first place?" 

 

"Not at first but as I got better it was." Justin said as he pushed the button to take him upstairs. 

 

Jules nodded and turned to climb the stairs to her room. One hour, in one hour things were going to get a lot more complicated. She just hoped that Justin was ready. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Justin sat at his desk and stared at the phone. He reached over to pick it up a couple of times but never did. When he was about to leave his office due to his nerves, Jules walked in with two glasses. Giving the one she handed him a little sniff, he smiled. Taking a quick sip of his scotch, he sat it down as Jules pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. Reaching for her hand, he reached for the phone with his other. Pushing the speaker on, he then dialed the number and waited. 

 

Jennifer picked up the phone on the second ring. "Hello?" 

 

Justin didn't say anything until she spoke again. "Hi Mom, it's Justin." 

 

Jennifer let out a long breath. "Justin, oh thank god. I've been so worried. I didn't know where you were or if you were even still alive." 

 

Justin felt the tears build again at the sound of his mother's voice. "I'm sorry. I should have called you sooner but didn't know what to say." 

 

Jennifer heard the tears in Justin's voice and couldn't keep the similar tears out of her own. "Brian called and told me that he had found you but that was all he could tell me at the time. Is it because of that that you called?" 

 

"Yes, his showing up made me realize that I couldn't hide from those I care about any longer. I'm so sorry Mom." Justin began to cry and squeezed Jules hand. 

 

Jules handed Justin a tissue and with another one dabbed at the tears rolling down her own face. 

 

Justin spent the next two hours on the phone with his Mom. It was as if whatever wall he had been built to keep himself safe by not talking to anyone was suddenly down. They talked about his art, his home, even Jules but whenever she asked why he had disappeared, he would move to another subject. After awhile he did a little bit about his accident but not the full extent of his injuries. Just as he had said, she immediately wanted to come out to take care of him but he stopped her. 

 

"Mom, I…I love you but I'm just not ready to see you yet. Please, please wait. I still need time to adjust to having people in my life again." Justin said, hoping she would understand. 

 

Jennifer sighed. "I don't like it but okay. I will tell you this though, I'm only giving you a little time and then whether or not you like it, I'm coming out there to see you. Three years without a word, I can only stand to be apart for a little while longer. I mean it." 

 

Justin paused. "Ok, three months. In three months time, you can come out. I'll take care of everything. You should be getting some papers by the end of the week about it." 

 

"Justin that's not soon enough. A month. Make it a month." Jennifer said. 

 

Justin shook his head even though he knew his mom couldn't see it. "Two months." 

 

Jennifer smiled, getting excited. "Make it a month and a half. Six weeks and you've got a deal." 

 

Justin took a deep breath. "All right. Six weeks." 

 

Jennifer laughed. "Well, I was hoping a little sooner but six weeks it is. Uh, Justin, what about Molly? She's going to be upset that she didn't get to talk to you today and she'll be even more so if she can't come out." 

 

Justin sighed. "Tell her I called and what we talked about and that I'm calling back tonight just to speak to her. I'll tell her she's coming also. But Mom, I'm not ready for everyone else. You can tell them that you finally heard from me and what you think they need to hear but let them know that I'm not ready yet." 

 

Jennifer's smile left her face. She knew that Justin wasn't telling her everything but was afraid to push as it might cause him to disappear again. "All right Justin. Justin? I love you." 

 

Justin smiled. "I love you too Mom. I'll call tonight to speak to Molly." 

 

***************************************** 

 

Justin sat back and stared at the phone. Jules smiled as she watched him. 

 

"Well that went pretty good." Jules stood up and moved around the desk toward the door. 

 

Justin looked up, the smile leaving his face. "Yes it did. We've got a lot of work to do though. There is no way I'm going to greet my mother in a wheel chair or with crutches. I want to be using canes. Even if it's for only a short period of time." 

 

Jules nodded her understanding. She knew that Justin wanted to impress on his mother that he could take care of himself and that he was okay when she came. He was going to show as little weakness as possible. He was not going to be caught off guard again. 

 

"Six weeks, that doesn't give us much time but we'll do it." She said smiling. 

 

Justin smiled back. "You're damn right we will." 

 

The rest of the day went well. Justin's call to Molly was done alone and while she was resentful at first her love for her brother won out in the end. That night Justin only had one nightmare. He was able to go back to sleep however and when he awoke the sun was shining and he was ready to work. After all, he only had six weeks.


	8. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Steve heard Brian come home. Before he could call out to him, Brian walked into the bedroom and shut the door. Steve knew then that the trip hadn't gone well. Walking to the door, he paused before opening it. Brian was sitting on their bed staring out the window. 

 

Steve was just about to turn on the light switch when Brian spoke. "Leave it." 

 

Steve stopped and began to walk toward Brian. "Not now Steve. Just leave me alone." 

 

Steve ignored Brian and walked to where he could face him. He was shocked at Brian's haggard appearance and red rimmed, blood-shot eyes. "My god, what happened between you and Justin? You look like shit!" 

 

Brian looked angrily up at Steve. "Nothing happened between me and Justin. Now get out and leave me alone." 

 

Steve stepped back as if he'd been hit, looked once more at Brian and left the room. This wasn't good. Something had happened on this trip and Steve knew that whatever it was, it was going to cause problems and he wasn't sure how to take care of them, yet. However, at this moment, he hated Justin Taylor. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian sighed. He knew that Steve wanted to know what happened but Steve also knew that he was upset and should have known to leave him alone for awhile. But then again, Steve was never one to leave people alone. 

 

Alone to think, alone like he'd been the past couple of days. Days in which he hoped Justin would call or at least Jules but he'd heard nothing. Brian had reverted to his old pain management techniques but stopped when thoughts of Justin using them and what had happened to him kept appearing. 

 

The call to Jennifer had been hard. He felt guilty at the relief he felt at telling her that he had found Justin and that he'd been calling her. His relief intensified when she didn't push about how Justin looked when he had said that Justin would explain. Jennifer had called him back last night to let him know that Justin had called her and that she and Molly were going out there. It was that call that let him know that he didn't have to tell her of Justin's condition. 

 

Justin, he'd never forget the one time he'd seen him. His Sunshine, was sunshine no more. His light had been put out and he and Steve had helped to do it. Yes, the shock of Justin in a wheelchair and an eye patch was bad but it was what he had seen in his good eye that had shocked him to the bone. 

 

In the few brief moments that he had been with Justin, he had seen many things. Surprise, despair, defeat, loathing, sadness, anger, but the two biggest were fear and hatred. It was all there for Brian to see. The sunshine was gone and in its place was nothing but darkness and he hated himself for helping to put it there. 

 

Brian didn't know how long he sat there but a quiet knock brought him out of his thoughts. He was surprised to see that it was dark out. 

 

"Brian? I know you said to leave you alone but you've been in there for hours and you need to eat something." Steve said through the door. 

 

Brian stood up and walked to the door. He paused with his hand on the handle, took a deep breath and opened the door. 

 

Steve was already walking down the hall and while he didn't turn and look at Brian, he did let out the breath he had been holding. 

 

Brian walked into the kitchen, picked up his plate and walked into the dinning room. Steve was already eating and the table was covered with papers and brochures. 

 

Setting down his plate but making no move to eat, Brian picked up a pamphlet near him. "What is all this?" 

 

"They're travel brochures." Steve had purposely gone and gotten tons of brochures from his travel agent. He knew where he wanted to go and while Brian had told him to plan the trip, he knew that unless Brian had a hand in it, he'd try to get out of going. Especially if his present mood was any indication of his current mind set. 

 

"I knew that but for what?" Brian asked as he set down the brochure he was holding and looked at Steve. 

 

"For our trip. You know the one you promised we'd take when you got back." Steve said studying Brian while appearing to be looking over another brochure. 

 

Brian sat back and pushed his untouched plate away with a sigh. "Steve, I don't think…" 

 

Steve looked up and stopped him. "No Brian. We are going away. You promised me and I'm going to keep you to it. Besides that, you're exhausted and it will do us both a world of good. Now, you can either help pick where we go or you can continue to sulk while I do it. Either way it doesn't matter. By the end of the week, we will be on a plane to somewhere where we will be staying for one month. One month of just you and me. 

 

"Steve, I promised we'd go but I just got back. I haven't even been to the office yet. I told you I didn't care where we go and I don't. You pick but make the plans for the end of next week. Let me get the office prepared." Brian said as he pushed the pamphlets away. Standing, he walked out of the dining room and into their office. 

 

Steve heard the clink of glass and knew he was in for a long night. Silently he cursed Justin as he rose and began to clear the table. He wondered what had happened to put Brian in such a mood. Maybe after a few drinks, he'd be able to get it out of Brian. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Three Hours Later 

 

Steve walked into the office to find a drunk and brooding Brian sitting in the dark staring out the window. "Brian?" 

 

Brian didn't respond, just took another drink from the almost empty bottle he was holding. 

 

Steve walked closer and turned on the desk lamp on his desk as he continued to look at Brian. He was shocked to see the tear tracks on his cheeks. Walking around so that he was standing in front of Brian, he knelt until he could make eye contact, than tried again. "Brian? Tell me what happened. I've never seen you like this before and it worries me. Please tell me." 

 

Brian looked at Steve and sighed. "Why? It's not like you really care about Justin. You'll just make some comment about how things happen but that now we can finally move on." 

 

Brian stood up unsteadily and walked to the window. Steve stood up and walked up behind Brian, as he wrapped his arms around him, he felt him stiffen. He waited for Brian to relax but when he didn't he sighed. "Come on Brian, let's get you to bed. I know you're exhausted and with all you've drunk, it's a wonder you're still up." 

 

Brian relaxed as soon as Steve quit hugging him and allowed himself to be led to the bedroom. Steve started to help him undress but Brian pushed him away and did it himself. As soon as he finished, he crawled into bed and rolled onto his side away from Steve. He hoped the alcohol he had consumed would keep the images of Justin at bay. At least for a little while. As for Steve, he still had a lot to think about and maybe by the time the trip was over, he'd know what he was going to do. 

 

Steve looked at Brian's back and sighed. Something had happened and he was beginning to get nervous. He couldn't wait to get Brian away from New York, away from the past. Maybe once they were in a different place, they could finally work on building their lives together without all the other stuff getting in the way. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Four Weeks Later 

 

Steve looked over at a sleeping Brian. They were finally on their way. Brian never once asked where they were going and he didn't seem to care. An emergency had come up at the office that pushed their trip back an extra couple of weeks from the time that Brian had requested. And he had to admit that it seemed to have helped Brian a little bit. He still hadn't talked about what had gone on between himself and Justin and Steve frankly didn't care. Things between then hadn't been the same once he came back, Brian was still distant and there hadn't been much intimacy between them. But he wasn't drinking as much and while working extra hours, he still came home to him every night and without the smell of sex and drugs that he feared. But Steve reminded himself each and every day, Brian had come back to him. He hadn't stayed with Justin and now, they were finally on their way to the South of France. Away from the office, New York, and Justin. 

 

Steve smiled as he continued to watch Brian. Now they could get back the spark that had been slowly dying over the last three years. He would make sure that Brian remembered why he had picked him every chance he got and the first thing he was going to do was make him whimper. With that, Steve moved his hand toward Brian, laying his hand upon his crotch he slowly began to rub, smiling until Brian sighed. "Justin." 

 

Steve withdrew his hand as if he had been burnt. Sitting back he frowned as he stared once more at his partner. He knew then that he had a lot of work in front of him.


	9. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Justin looked nervously into the mirror. Jules had called to say she was on her way with his Mom and Molly. Turning, he made his way slowly to the entrance hall. Easing down into a chair, he waited. Running his hand over the two canes he held in the other, he sighed at the smooth texture and marveled at the rich grain pattern that the polish had brought out of the wood. 

 

He was quickly brought out of his contemplation by the buzz that let him know that someone was coming through the gate. Slowly he used the canes to get to his feet and made his way to the door. In the times that he had talked to his mother, he hadn't really told her too much more about his injuries. He just wasn't sure how to tell her. Justin knew that Jules wouldn't tell his Mom everything but he was sure that she would fill her and Molly in on things she felt important in order to ease the shock. 

 

Justin nervously stood waiting as the door opened and his Mom and Molly walked into the entrance hall. As soon as they saw him they both stopped short, their cries dying on their lips as they took in the true and full extent of the damage done to Justin. They both realized at that moment that the smiling, loving boy that they had known was gone for good and that the man standing in front of them was a stranger that they were going to have to get to know if they wanted Justin back in their lives. 

 

"Hi Mom, Molly. Welcome to my home. It's good to see you. I'm…I…" Justin said feeling nervous and silly at the same time. 

 

"Oh Justin." Jennifer said walking forward and gently hugging him with tears in her eyes. "Why didn't you call me when it happened?" 

 

Justin hesitantly hugged Jennifer back with one arm. "I wasn't in a good state of mind Mom. I didn't want anyone much less for anyone to see me." 

 

Justin released his mother and looked over her shoulder at his sister. "How about Jules showing you to your rooms and when you're ready I'll give you a tour." 

 

Jennifer smiled and rubbed Justin's arm. "That sounds good sweetheart. I'm just so glad to have you back." 

 

Justin watched as Jules led Jennifer and Molly upstairs then turned to slowly walk over to the nearest chair. Sitting down he leaned his forehead against his canes. He didn't see Molly stop and watch him or see the look of sadness mixed with anger cross her face. 

 

An hour later, Justin was slowly showing his mother and sister around the house. Later at dinner the questions truly began and by the time it was over everyone was drained and in need of their space. 

 

Justin had told them everything about his accident and continuing recovery. About the constant everyday struggle both emotionally as well as physically to not give up. Afterwards he excused himself due to a headache and went to bed early. Jennifer and Molly also excused themselves and went their own ways. 

 

Jules looked at the now empty table and sighed. It had been a long stressful evening but she was sure that it had helped Justin to finally talk with his family, to start to get reconnected with them. She hoped that it would be a step to eventually get Justin to rejoin the outside world. Rising from the table she began to clear the table before starting on the dishes. 

 

A few minutes later Jennifer walked into the kitchen. "Would you like some help?" 

 

Jules knew that Jennifer probably wanted to talk as well as keep busy while her brain took in all the information she had been surprised with today. "Sure." 

 

***************************************** 

 

Molly walked past the kitchen and with a quick holler to tell her mother that she was just going out to the garden for a walk, she was out the door. Finding a spot far enough from the house, she pulled out her mother's cell phone. Scrolling through the names she found the one she was looking for and hit send. After several rings it was finally picked up. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"You bastard!" She hissed. "Why didn't you tell us?! Justin told us about the accident and some of his injuries but we thought they were minor and he was okay. Do you have any idea at all how we felt when we saw him?!" 

 

Brian sighed. "Molly…" 

 

"No! You listen to me. I may only be a teenager but I'm not much younger than Justin was when he first met you. I've seen and listened to what's gone on. I watched my brother love you for years. Then you took him away with you. You took him to a big city, away from friends and family who love him and then you dumped him, left him alone to deal all on his own while you went on your merry way, once again thinking only of yourself." Molly was angrily trying to keep her voice down but was having trouble as she was also trying not to cry. 

 

"I hated you so much. Then you began helping Mom try and find him. I thought maybe I was wrong, especially when you finally did find him. I was so angry at Justin for putting us through this. Then I saw him today. You did this. It's all your fault and I hope you rot in hell!" Molly quickly disconnected the call as she sat down and began to cry. 

 

She didn't know anyone was there until she felt hands on her shoulders. "Don't cry Mollusk. I'm sorry to have sprung this on you like this but I didn't know how to tell you all of it." 

 

Molly looked up and saw Justin. Getting to her knees, she wrapped her arms around his waist as she continued to cry. Justin quickly set the brakes on his wheelchair and moved the footplates out of the way so she could scoot closer. 

 

Justin had seen Molly in the garden outside his window. Seeing her upset he had forgone his pride for speed and used his wheelchair. He had gotten there just in time to hear the tail end of the conversation so he had an idea of who she had been talking to and why she was crying. Taking the cell phone from her, he looked at the number and confirmed his suspicions. 

 

Justin sighed. "Molly, he didn't do this to me. If anyone did, it was me. I was the one who was too drunk and strung out to know better than to get into the car. It was just sheer luck that I wasn't killed and while I will never be the person you once knew, I will always be your brother." 

 

Molly looked up at Justin as she slowly stopped crying. "You know, I hated you for a long time. Mom was so worried about you that she became overbearing at times and at others, almost as if I didn't exist. When you finally called, I didn't know what I was going to do so I decided to wait until I saw you. Now…now I still don't know but I do know that I'm glad that you're back. Don't you ever disappear on me again!" 

 

Justin smiled down at Molly. "I won't. I promise. Now come on, let's go back into the house." 

 

***************************************** 

 

Steve walked into the house after taking a stroll down to the village. "Oh man! Brian, you should have come with me. What a great day it is." 

 

Steve walked toward Brian as he stood on the patio looking out, but not seeing the view. One look at Brian's face and he knew something was wrong. He had been working hard over the past couple of weeks to get Brian to relax, open up, and talk to him. While Brian was no where near where they had been when things started going bad for them, he felt that they had been slowly getting better. 

 

"Brian? What's the matter?" Steve stopped beside Brian and covered Brian's hand with his own. 

 

Brian didn't look at Steve. "Molly called." 

 

Steve looked confused and tried to remember who Molly was. "Molly?" 

 

Brian released a pent up breath and pulled his hand out from under Steve's. "Justin's little sister." 

 

Steve lost it. He had had enough. "Jesus! You found Justin for them, what more do that want! I am so sick and tired of the Taylors! They need to just get a grip and leave us the hell alone!" 

 

Brian turned angrily toward Steve. "The way you left me and Justin alone?! I mean think about it Steve. You knew I was with Justin and you promised to leave us alone but did you? Really? I mean, I recall phone calls that anyone could have made but you always made them and then turned them somehow into personal phone calls. What about those meeting that you were always trying to get me to attend? You knew that I wasn't needed at them and neither were you but you kept pushing for me to attend them so that we could see each other, as friends you always said but did you really mean that? I don't think so. Just when did you decide not to keep your promise Steve? Was it when you found out that Justin was just some young kid? And then you finally get me. But it doesn't stop there. Don't think I don't know about the misplaced invites to Justin's shows that he sent while he was here in New York or the calls from the school and I'm not just talking about the last one." 

 

Steve looked shocked, hurt, and caught at the same time. "What…Brian, I…" 

 

Brian walked up and got into Steve's face. "You know, it's amazing some of the things you find out accidentally when you're looking for something else. Imagine my surprise when I contacted Justin's school to help in my search for him and they asked me about my sudden concern. When I questioned them about their comment, I was informed that they had sent letters and made phone calls over several months before he quit. Phone calls and letters that I never got." 

 

Brian turned away from Steve as if he couldn't stand to look at him. "Even then I made excuses to myself about that. Then I found Justin and it all came back. I needed to talk to someone so I called Lindsey. As we talked, she told me that it wasn't just the school. That Justin had tried to contact me several times and it doesn't stop there. No! It seems that over the past couple of years, you've also been forgetting quite a few messages from the family as well." 

 

Brian turned back to face Steve and then anger radiated from him. "Let me tell you just what your manipulations have helped to do besides alienate me from my family. Justin has spent the last three years alone, trying to learn to live again from a near fatal car accident. He lost one of his beautiful blue eyes and is still using a wheelchair or crutches to get around with." 

 

Steve was shocked. "Brian, that's not fair. I had nothing to do with that and neither did you. If he said anything to the contrary, he was wrong." 

 

Brian walked toward Steve but stopped when he was about half way. "No, he didn't say it because after he spotted me, he told me to get out then turned and left. I had to find out what happened from that woman, Jules. But in a way it is our fault. If you hadn't been stopping his calls or the contact from the school, maybe he would have finished school and moved on with his life. And if I had been the true friend to him that I claimed I was, I would have checked on him regardless of what you said about giving him time to get over me." 

 

Brian looked sad for a moment but then the anger returned. "You didn't believe in me or us. Instead, you did everything you could to make sure we stayed together. That Justin was out of the picture and when the family didn't warm to you right away, you tried to get them out as well. Well you know what? It backfired. I'm leaving. I'm on the next flight to New York. When you get home, I'll be gone. What you've done, I don't think I can ever forgive and right now I have to learn to forgive myself first. I don't have time to try and forgive you too." 

 

Brian turned and walked back into the house just as a horn beeped in the front of the house. Brian picked up the luggage that Steve hadn't seen and walked out the door and climbed into the waiting cab. 

 

Steve stood on the patio looking through the house and out the open front door, watching the cab pull away with Brian. Slowly he sank to the ground as all that Brian had said sank in. What had he done?! He knew that he had made a big mistake. He just wasn't sure how to fix it. One thing was for sure. He had to try. Getting to his feet, Steve rushed to the phone and called the airport. He had to get to New York before Brian moved out. He had to make Brian listen to him. To make him understand. "Yes, I'd like to book a ticket to New York please. Your very next flight."


	10. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Brian walked into the place he had called home for the last three years. He and Steve had bought the place only a few months after they had gotten together. Brian sat down on the couch and scrubbed his face with his hands. Where had it all gone wrong? More to the point, when? Brian knew he was only trying to fool himself. He knew exactly when. When he had fallen in love with two men and apparently chosen the wrong one. 

 

Brian sighed as he looked longingly at the bar. He knew that wasn't the answer and besides, he knew that he had only about twelve hours if he was lucky before Steve would be here. Steve, he knew wouldn't leave this alone and let him go so easily. What he was having a hard time believing was how he could have been so wrong. He loved both Steve and Justin, but he had thought that with Steve being older and more self-reliant that he would be the less complicated of the two. Reaching for the phone, he called downstairs to maintenance. "Yes, this is Brian Kinney. I'm in need of several boxes within the next couple of hours. Some of them will be for clothes and others for other personal items. Oh! And I need to box up several paintings as well." 

 

Brian hung up the phone, stood and looked around. Slowly he began walking around the room gathering the things that were his. He knew there were going to be things that he and Steve were going to have to discuss such as their home, the accounts, and pieces that they had bought that they both liked. Justin's paintings however were not up for discussion. They were his. Brian shook his head. In the four years of living together they had bought a lot of things. Brian realized then that he really hadn't given that chance or choice to Justin, that he had felt safe and secure with Steve. With Justin he had always held back. He had never believed in Justin's 'for always' and had felt that Justin would leave him…again. 

 

Brian thought over that first year. He had to admit to himself that while he had missed Justin, he had been happy. He also admitted to himself that if Justin hadn't disappeared and found someone else, he probably would have remained happy and with Steve. Damn! Why couldn't Steve just have believed in them, in him! That more than anything was what bothered him the most. The manipulations. 

 

Brian was tired. Sitting back on the couch to wait for the boxes; he leaned his head back, and closed his eyes for just a moment. 

 

Suddenly, Brian heard knocking. Opening his eyes he stood and went to the door. Upon opening it, the maintenance man said. "I'm sorry it took so long Mr. Kinney. We didn't have some of the sizes you needed and had to find them somewhere else." 

 

Brian looked over at the clock and saw that he had been asleep for about four and a half hours. He couldn't believe it but he actually felt rested. It was the first sleep without disturbing dreams he had had in awhile. "That's okay, just put them over there. I'll call down if I need any more or when I'm ready to have them moved." 

 

"Very good sir." The man said as he moved into the room and placed the boxes where Brian had pointed. As he moved back to the door, he stopped. "Sir, I realize that it's none of my business, but is everything okay? Has something happened?" 

 

Brian started to snap at the man but stopped. "No, I'm afraid I'm moving out." 

 

The man nodded. "Sorry to hear that sir." 

 

Brian nodded and shut the door. Turning, he looked around the place that had become his home with Steve. With a sigh he began packing. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Steve sat impatiently in the cab. As it pulled up to the Trump Tower, Steve quickly paid the driver and rushed into the building, hoping that Brian hadn't left yet. He had managed to get on a flight that was only six hours behind Brian's, thanks to a cancellation, and while he had had to ride coach, he had been willing to endure it as long as it gave him a shot of catching Brian before he moved out. 

 

Reaching their doorway, Steve took a deep breath before unlocking it and walking inside. Seeing the boxes sitting packed around the room, he paused still not believing this was happening. His worst fears were coming true but it wasn't because of the reasons he had feared, but because of what he had done to prevent those reasons from happening. 

 

Just then Brian walked into the room carrying some items from their office. "You made it here sooner then expected." 

 

Steve watched as Brian placed the items in one of the boxes. "Brian, I can't believe you're doing this! Can't we talk about this? At least let me explain. We could talk about it and then maybe go see someone." 

 

Brian stopped packing. "You have got to be kidding me. There is nothing to discuss. You have lied, manipulated, and covered up things for years and you want me to go to some therapist?! What for? So I can learn to trust you again? Not going to happen." 

 

Steve felt the tears building in his eyes and didn't care. "Brian, please let me explain." 

 

Brian finished with the last of the items and started to head for the bedroom. "Fine, explain awhile I'm packing up my clothes but it won't make a difference. As soon as I'm done, I'm out of here. I'll come back for some of the other things when you're out." 

 

Steve followed Brian into the bedroom. "Brian, it's not my fault about Justin but I'm sorry about what happened to him. And yes, I did block several attempts from him to contact you. I felt it would be easier for him to get over you if he thought that you no longer wanted anything to do with him. I hadn't realized that you had said that you wanted to be friends with him. Especially with how things had ended between you. I was trying to save you and him a great deal of pain by having him constantly thinking that he could win you back and you rejecting him." 

 

Brian paused in his packing. "Bullshit. You blocked our communications because you were worried that he would win me back. You had no faith what-so-ever in us, in my love for you." 

 

Steve watched as Brian went back to packing. "You're right but it's not that I didn't have faith in us and our love, it's just that I knew you still loved Justin too. I was afraid." 

 

Brian continued as if Steve hadn't just admitted it. "You're right but you still were wrong in doing what you did. That also doesn't explain you doing the same thing with the family. I might have been able to forgive you for Justin over time, but you knew how I felt about my family." 

 

Steve nodded. "I know and I really didn't mean to do it. I think that it became a defensive habit. I just knew that they were always comparing me to him and I always felt lacking. So whenever someone mentioned Justin when they called, I just didn't tell you about the call. I know it was petty of me, but I guess I was getting back at them for not allowing me to be part of the family. To always be the outsider, the villain, the man who stole you away from their precious Sunshine." 

 

Brian hadn't missed the bitterness of Steve's last comment. "You actually hate Justin don't you." 

 

Steve noticed it was a statement and not a question. "I don't know. I know that while we were trying to build our lives that first year, he was always there, always in the background of everything we did, that's why I was trying to get him out. I couldn't stand there and watch him continue to be in our lives when you had finally chosen me. When he disappeared I thought it would be our chance to finally begin to build our lives together without him constantly hovering in the background. I was wrong though. He was there more than ever and our lives were put on hold. I have spent the last three years watching you work hard, and it was all for Justin, never for me. I guess I was just fooling myself all these years." 

 

Brian finished his packing and closed up the boxes and suitcases. "I guess we both were. Steve, for what it's worth, I did love you and I guess I still do, but I know now that it's not going to work. And who knows, maybe it never would have but I'm not going to sit here and play the 'what if' game. Too much time has passed and too much has happened. In a couple of weeks, I'll contact you about the rest of our things and we can discuss what to do about this place. If you want to continue to live here, that's fine, buy me out. We can have our lawyers draw up an agreement and I'll sign it." 

 

Brian reached for the phone. "Yes, I need to have some boxes moved; I have an address for where they can be delivered." 

 

Steve watched as Brian gave them the address of the office and replaced the phone into its cradle. "You're really going to do this. You're just going to throw the past four years down the drain. You're not even going to try?" 

 

Brian walked into the living room and waited for the knock on the door. Opening it, he let the maintenance man back in with his cart. Turning to Steve, he looked at the man and saw the pain and hurt he was feeling. "Throw what away Steve? You've made sure that the past four years have been nothing but a half-truth. I can't live that way and I refuse to. I'll be in touch in a couple of days. I don't want to hear from you until then. I have a lot to think over and don't need you badgering me." 

 

Steve took that as a sigh of hope and nodded. "All right. I'll wait for you to contact me first. But Brian, please remember that I do love you and that I hope one of your decisions will be to try and work this out." 

 

Brian nodded, picked up his suitcases and left. Steve watched the man load the boxes and saw the sympathy in his eyes. Turning, he walked into the bedroom and shut the door. He couldn't watch the man remove Brian's boxes. It hurt too much. Looking around the bedroom, he realized too late that he had made a mistake in coming to this room as he saw all the empty drawers still open and the empty side of the closet where Brian's clothes had been. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian checked into his hotel room and laid on the bed. Regardless of what Steve hoped for, Brian knew that he could never be with him again. Now he just had to decide what to do with his life. Did he want to stay in New York, did he want to sell his shares of the company and start his own business? He just didn't know. He did know that he somehow had to get Justin to talk to him. He needed him to know the truth but first, he would take care of the easy part. The family. Reaching over he called his travel agent and booked a flight to Pittsburgh. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Steve had stayed out of the office and hadn't called Brian regardless of how many times he had reached for the phone and picked it up. He was giving Brian the time he needed. On the fifth day when the phone rang, he grabbed it hurriedly and sighed with relief when he heard Brian's voice. "Brian, it's good to hear your voice. How are you? Are you okay? I've been worried." 

 

Brian sighed. "I'm fine Steve. I just got back into town. I went to Pittsburgh and talked with the family." 

 

Steve felt his heart plummet. "Oh, okay. Is everything okay?" 

 

Brian knew what Steve was asking him. "Yes, I'm back in the family's good graces. Have you thought about the condo? Do you want to continue to live there or do we sell it? Also there are a couple of things I'd still like to pick up but I felt that we should talk them over instead of me just taking them." 

 

Steve had to sit down as the blood rushed through his system. "So…that's it. You're not willing to work this out at all." 

 

Brian didn't answer right away. "Steve, I told you. I can't live that way and I just can't see how going to see a counselor will change that. You've been doing lying and hiding things for four years, how could I ever trust you again? I'm sorry but no. I feel that this is the best…for me." 

 

Steve closed his eyes against the pain. "Brian… You're going to go back to him aren't you." 

 

Brian knew what Steve was saying. "No Steve. Justin won't even see me. I still have a lot of thinking to do and it has nothing to do with him. It has to do with you and me. Especially me." 

 

Steve heard the weariness in Brian's voice. "What do you mean?" 

 

Brian sighed. "Steve…We work at the same office. We're partners in business together in a large company. I need to decide if I want to continue in the company or if I want to go somewhere else. That would mean, I also have to decide if I want to stay in New York. I just don't know." 

 

Steve felt the tears run down his cheeks. "Brian…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I never meant for any of it to happen." 

 

"I know Steve, but it did and now we just need to face the facts and come to a decision on what to do with life in the here and now." Brian said. 

 

Steve swallowed. "I know. Brian, I miss you so much and I still love you." 

 

Brian sighed. "I know." 

 

Steve heard the click and knew that it was over. Brian really wasn't going to come back. He also knew that there was something he needed to do. One last thing for Brian.


	11. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Steve reached through his downed car window and pressed the button on the speaker. 

 

"Yes? May I help you?" A feminine voice came over the speaker. 

 

"Yes, I'd like to speak to Justin please. My name is Steve Brenner." Steve said. 

 

"Just…just a minute please." The voice said. 

 

***************************************** 

 

"Justin?" Jules walked into the studio where Justin was working. 

 

Justin continued painting "Yeah Jules?" 

 

"There's someone at the gate who would like to see you. It's Steve." Jules said as she watched Justin's reaction. 

 

Justin stopped painting and looked over at the woman who had become his best friend. "Brian's Steve?" 

 

Justin knew that's who it was but just wanted to confirm it with Jules. She did so with a nod of her head. "Do you want me to send him away?" 

 

Justin sighed and began to wipe down his brush. As much as he didn't want to see Steve, he knew it might be the last chance he got to tell the man what he needed too. "No, let him in. I'll talk to him here." 

 

Jules continued to look at Justin with concern. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this right now. You're just getting used to seeing people again." 

 

Justin looked back up at Jules. "Jules, I need to do this. I might not ever get another chance to again and once I do this, I don't ever have to see him again." 

 

Jules nodded her understanding and left to go let Steve in. She was going to have a little talk with him before he went in to see Justin. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Steve waited for the voice to come back. Justin didn't know that he was coming but he hoped that he'd see him anyway. Just when he thought they were going to leave him waiting at the gate. It began to open. 

 

"Please park at the front of the house. I'll meet you at the front door." The voice said before he drove through. 

 

Steve drove through the gates and did what he was told. Getting out of the car he walked to the front door and just as he reached for the bell, the door was opened and Jules stood in the doorway. 

 

"Please come in. Against my better judgment, Justin has agreed to see you but let me warn you right now. If you upset him, I will personally throw your ass out of here. Do I make myself clear?" Jules warned. 

 

Steve would have smiled at the small woman but he could tell that she was dead serious. "Yes, I understand." 

 

Jules nodded her head and walked down the hall. "He's in his studio." 

 

Walking toward the back of the house, they stopped outside of a partially closed door. Jules turned to face Steve. "Remember what I said." 

 

Steve nodded and walked into the room. He looked around the bright, sunny, large room. He had been impressed by the house and knew what they had paid for Justin's paintings when they had found them. He knew that Justin was doing real well for himself. 

 

"What do you want Steve?" Justin came out of what Steve assumed was a bathroom. 

 

Steve had heard Brian describe Justin's injuries but it still threw him to see him in a wheelchair with an eye patch. "Uh, I want you to talk to Brian. Tell him that you don't blame him, that what happened to you isn't his fault." 

 

Justin looked over Steve and noticed that the man appeared tired. His eyes were red rimmed and there were dark circles under them. "Why do I need to do that? He knows that it wasn't his fault and I've never blamed him for what happened to me." 

 

Steve looked around. "Do you mind if I sit down?" 

 

Justin nodded at a chair. "Steve, I don't know why you've come out here and why I need to talk to Brian. Brian has been out of my life for the past three, almost four years." 

 

Steve sighed. "Brian may have been out of your life but you never left ours. Between your mother and the family, you were always there. Why couldn't you have just accepted that Brian chose me and moved on?" 

 

Justin looked at Steve closely and thought of all the things he wanted to say before speaking. "Steve, you knew that Brian had a partner and you backed off. That is until you met me. Why? Was it because of my age? The fact that I was still in school? Why?" 

 

Steve really didn't want to rehash the reasons why he went after Brian but figured that he was going to have to if he was going to get Justin's help in getting Brian back. "All of them. You were young, you had your whole life ahead of you and you would find someone else. You would have eventually left Brian anyway as you got older and grew apart. I on the other hand am older than Brian and I had already made my way in the world. I really hadn't expected to fall in love again but I did and I wanted that chance, maybe my last chance to have that happiness and love." 

 

Justin nodded. "Steve, do you know anyone who married their childhood sweetheart? Their high school or college sweetheart?" 

 

Steve slowly nodded. "Yes, why?" 

 

Justin continued. "Are they still married, after all this time? Are they happy? Still in love?" 

 

Steve nodded again. "Yes, they are." 

 

Justin nodded. "So they weren't too young to know what they wanted. Well, what's to say that couldn't have been me with Brian? How do you know that I would have left? Can you see the future?" 

 

Steve shook his head. "No, I can't but…" 

 

Justin stopped him. "No, Steve. You took my future from me. I don't know what's going on between you and Brian and I don't care. Go home. Go home to your husband and your life. Fix it but leave me alone. Now I think you'd better leave." 

 

Justin turned away from Steve and began to move toward the back of the room. Steve wasn't ready to give up just yet. "Justin..." 

 

Just then the door opened and Jules stood in the doorway. "Mr. Brenner, if you'll follow me, I'll see you out." 

 

Steve knew that what little time he had had with Justin was over and never to be repeated. Justin would never see him again. Of that he was sure. Slowly he followed Jules down the hall and back to the front door which she held open for him. 

 

Steve turned and looked at Jules. "You know, I never wanted any of this to happen to Justin. If he could have only moved on." 

 

Jules looked coldly at Steve. "You didn't hear a word he said did you?" 

 

Steve looked at Jules in confusion. "What?" 

 

Jules shook her head as she began to shut the door. "Think about what Justin said to you Mr. Brenner. Think about it real hard and maybe you'll get a clue." 

 

Steve looked at the closed door and walked back to his car. Climbing in he started the engine and moved toward the gates to go back to his hotel. Once there, he booked a flight back to New York. Managing to get on the next flight out, he hurriedly packed and made it to the airport in time to get on the plane. It wasn't until he was settled and the plane had taken off that he had time to think about what Jules had said about Justin. Carefully he went over their conversation and one thing kept coming back. Childhood, High School, College Sweethearts. Suddenly he realized for Justin, Brian had been both his High School and College Sweetheart. That they had been together for many years with only a slight breakup. That they had gone through a lot more than most people do in a lifetime and yet they had still been together. He had out of selfishness broken up a lasting relationship because he had been too blind to see the truth. 

 

Oh he knew that he wasn't the only guilty party, Brian was an adult and continued to say no. He could have quit taking his calls or even told him to get over it and move on but he didn't. Of course Steve also knew that if he hadn't pushed and manipulated the situation, the one night stand that they had had that time at the cabin would have been it. Never to be repeated again for Brian truly did love Justin as Justin loved him. And after all these years, Brian had finally figured it out. Figured it out and left him because of it. 

 

Steve wasn't sure if he had any options left but he wasn't going to give up just yet. He needed to talk to Brian again. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian was at the office when Cynthia buzzed his office. "Brian, there is a woman named Jules on the phone." 

 

Brian was just about to tell Cynthia to take a message when he realized who Jules was. "Thank you Cynthia." 

 

Picking up the phone he asked anxiously. "Hi Jules, I didn't think I'd ever hear from you again." 

 

Jules sighed. "You probably wouldn't have but I felt that you should know. Your other half was here today to see Justin." 

 

Brian was shocked. "He what!" 

 

Jules repeated herself. "He was here to see Justin. He wanted Justin to contact you and talk to you so you'd quit blaming yourself." 

 

"Jules, I didn't send him. I had no idea that he had gone. If I had known that he was going to do that I would have stopped him." 

 

Jules was confused. "What do you mean you didn't know he had gone? How could you not? He's your partner." 

 

Brian sighed. "Not anymore. I…I moved out a couple of weeks ago." 

 

This time it was Jules that was surprised. "What?" 

 

Brian sighed. "It's a long story. I'm sorry that Steve bothered you and Justin. I'll make sure that he doesn't do it again. So how is he?" 

 

Jules realized that Brian was changing the subject and let him. She told him about the visit from his mom and sister. Told him that he had finally worked up the courage to call Daphne and that she was coming out in a couple of weeks. After that if things went well, he would begin to call other people." 

 

"That's good. I'm glad he's starting to open up again." Brian said. 

 

Jules smiled, not that he could see it. "Yes, it is good for him and as mad as I was at you for barging in; it really shook him up and made him start to open up again." 

 

"Well, if you or Justin need anything please let me know." Brian said with a sigh. 

 

Jules sighed as well. "We'll see. Bye Brian." 

 

Brian listened to the click of the phone and slowly sat his back into the cradle. He thought about what Jules had told him and felt the anger begin to build within him. Looking at the clock on his computer he knew that Steve wasn't home yet but that he more than likely would be soon and he planned on being there waiting for him. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Steve unlocked the front door and walked in with a tired sigh. He didn't notice that there was anyone there and walked through the living room heading to the bar for a drink. 

 

Brian picked up the drink he had been pouring and quietly said. "Have a nice flight?" 

 

Steve jumped as he rounded the corner. "Jesus Brian! You scared the shit out of me!" Steve all but shouted. 

 

Brian rounded the bar and stood in front of Steve. "So did you?" 

 

Steve looked a little uncomfortable but thought that Brian being there was a good sign. "Uh, yeah, it was a good flight." 

 

Brian continued to look over Steve. "So did you accomplish what you set out to do?" 

 

Steve smiled slightly and moved around Brian to the bar. "Not really. Things were not as I expected and there was a slight complication." 

 

Brian watched Steve pour his drink and felt the anger that he had been holding on to simmer. "Is that right?" 

 

Steve looked up with a slight smile. "Yeah, so tell me, since you're here I hope this means you're ready to give us a shot at fixing what's wrong with us. We need to talk about it and maybe see someone…" 

 

Brian couldn't believe the way Steve was going on. If Steve knew him at all, he'd realize that he was at his deadliest when he appeared calm and talked quietly. Finally Brian couldn't take it any longer. 

 

"What the hell do you think you were doing?! I can't believe you went to see Justin after all that has been done to him!" Brian began angrily, scaring Steve who quickly turned fully to face him. 

 

'What?! Brian! I thought…" Steve began. 

 

Brian clenched his glass as he stopped Steve. "Just what did you think you were doing going out there, what did you think you were going to accomplish!" 

 

Steve felt his shock turn to anger. "Just what did Justin say to you? I bet he couldn't wait to tell you all about our little conversation and twisted it all around so that it looked as if I was there to hurt him." 

 

Brian lowered the glass in his hand slowly as he moved to stand directly in front of Steve. "It wasn't Justin. We still haven't talked." 

 

"Now! Let me make myself perfectly clear. Stay away from Justin." Brian, trying to get control of his anger again, said in a calm and low voice. 

 

"Ha! No need to worry there!" Steve said sarcastically. "He made sure to let me know that I was not welcome and that he didn't want to see me again. The little shit." 

 

Brian felt his control starting to slip again. "Well just what did you expect?!" 

 

This time it was Steve that moved into Brian's space. "I expected his help! I wanted him to talk to you, to try and make you see that what happened to him wasn't our fault! That he had no right to make you feel that it was. But no! He refused to help me. That kid has been nothing but a pain in my ass since I met him!" 

 

Brian's eyes got wide before they narrowed. "I can't believe you! You are so unbelievable! It's all his fault as far as you're concerned isn't it! You sanctimonious son of a bitch!" 

 

Brian threw his glass against the wall, sending glass and Scotch everywhere. "It's everyone's fault. Not just his, not just mine but yours as well. Don't you dare put it all on him! As for him being a pain in your ass since you met him, Justin never did anything! It was all you. You and me and just because he refused to help you and things didn't work out your way is no reason to try and blame him for it. We ruined this relationship. Together, not Justin." 

 

Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Here! This is a list of the things that I want and how much it will cost you to buy my half of this place. Go over it and then contact my lawyer. We are through." 

 

Steve looked down at the paper in his hands and looked back up suddenly and jumped when he heard the front door slam. He had lost Brian. Lost him for good and he knew at that point that there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. Sitting down, he let the exhaustion he had been holding back wash over him and began to cry. 

 

Down on the street Brian looked up at the building to where his home had been and couldn't stop the tears that built up in his eyes. Slowly he began to walk down the street until he found a bench. Sitting down he tried to calm himself and when he had he straightened up, squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. Wiping at his face, he looked in front of him, then behind him and sighed. No more looking back. His life hadn't been the greatest in awhile and nothing compared to Justin's but that was over. Time to get his life back on track. First thing he needed to do was to talk to Justin. Not through Jules, but face to face. He knew that them getting back together was probably impossible, too much had happened, but maybe just maybe they could become the friends that Brian had promised Justin when he had left him. It was time.


	12. Falling Down the Primrose Path

Steve walked into his office for the third day in a row, hoping he'd get a glimpse of Brian. He'd hoped that Brian had finally calmed down enough so they could talk but Brian seemed to be avoiding him. Finally he decided to talk to Cynthia. 

 

Walking up to her desk, he said. "Hi Cynthia, can you tell me where Brian is? I need to talk to him." 

 

Cynthia looked at Steve but didn't smile back. "Yes, I know where he is but I was left explicit instructions that unless it was an emergency with the agency I wasn't to contact him and under no circumstances was I to tell you where he was." 

 

Steve sighed and decided to use a little lovelorn charm. "Thank you Cynthia. I guess I couldn't make an emotional plea to get you to give it to me anyway? 

 

Cynthia's eyes seemed to grow colder. "No, you couldn't." 

 

Steve nodded, realizing that it was going to be harder then he thought and decided to use a little guilt. "I thought that we had become friends over the years and you would help me." 

 

Cynthia stood up from her desk and grabbed some files. "Steve, I was here the whole time, remember? I saw you play on Brian's insecurities about Justin; subtle as they were even I almost didn't catch them. What you did was wrong but Brian chose you over Justin. I saw how happy you made him and tried to accept you but we were never friends. Brian is my boss first and has become my friend over the years. My loyalties will always be with him. One thing else you should know. I was there from the start with Brian and Justin. I saw everything they went through and how it affected them as well. Justin was my friend." 

 

Cynthia turned and walked into Brian's office, firmly shutting the door behind her. Steve turned and went back to his own office. God he was tired of being the bad guy. True, he had gone after Brian but Brian was a big boy and had made his own decision. The whole situation was an accumulation of faults. Why couldn't everyone see that? Yes, he would admit he played on Brian's insecurities about Justin so that Brian would pick him and he tried to shut Justin out of their lives to make sure he kept Brian. Those were his faults. But Brian had listened to him when he could have ignored him or even told him to butt out but he didn't and he had picked him. That was Brian's faults but of course everyone else blamed him for those as well. Then there was Justin. Justin was also at fault too. He didn't fight for Brian, of course he might not have known he needed to, but when he found out, he just gave up. And then after he gave up, he refused to move on. And finally there was Brian's family. They were at fault too. They had constantly blamed him for all the problems that Justin was having and their break-up. And they had never really tried to accept him. 

 

Steve sighed as he gathered his papers, packed his briefcase and left. Maybe if he stayed out of the office, Brian would come back and then he could come in unannounced to talk. Turning around, he went to talk to his assistant Helen. He would get her to keep an eye out for him and give him a call. 

 

The only thing he truly worried about was that Brian wasn't staying low just to avoid him. He was worried that Brian had once again flown out to see Justin. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian pulled up to the gate and sat looking at it. Finally he rolled down his window and pushed the buzzer. 

 

"Yes?" A feminine voice said. 

 

"Jules? It's Brian Kinney. I'd really like to talk to Justin." Brian said. 

 

"Brian? I don't think…come on into the kitchen." Jules said as she released the gate. 

 

Brian pulled his rental car toward the back of the house and parked. Nervously he got out and walked to where Jules stood waiting for him in the kitchen doorway. 

 

"Brian." Jules said looking slightly puzzled and tired. 

 

"Hi Jules." He said as she moved to let him into the kitchen. 

 

"Coffee?" She said reaching for a cup. 

 

Brian sighed. He hated small talk. "Yeah, Jules how is he?" 

 

Jules handed Brian his coffee and sighed. "He's doing okay. He's not sleeping too well and he hardly ever leaves his studio. The past couple of months have really stirred things up around here." 

 

Sitting down at the kitchen table she continued. "The visit with his Mom and Molly was really good for all of them. Don't get me wrong, it was stressful on all of them and a bit awkward but it was a good start to all of them healing and getting to know each other again." 

 

Brian nodded. "Then Steve showed up." 

 

Jules looked up at Brian. "Then Steve showed up. Brian, he was actually starting to smile again." 

 

Brian could understand Jules frustration. "I'm sorry he came here. I honestly never thought that he would." 

 

"I know." Jules said clenching her cup harder. "It's just so hard to not be frustrated over the whole thing." 

 

Brian reached out and placed a hand on top of one of hers. "Jules, I need to see him, to explain. I never abandoned him, at least not the way he thinks I did. I need to tell him about things he doesn't know about. Please." 

 

Jules looked down at Brian's hand on hers and then back up into his eyes. "Wait here. If he says no there isn't anything you can do but give me some time to work on him." 

 

Brian nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. I've taken a leave of absence with no return date." 

 

"Brian…" She began. 

 

"No, Jules." He stopped her. "I need to do this, not just for him but for me as well." 

 

Jules stood up. "All right, let me see what I can do." 

 

Brian watched Jules walk out of the room and hoped that he wasn't wasting his time. Maybe if Justin wouldn't listen to Jules, maybe he would listen to Jennifer. She owed him after all. 

 

Jules was only gone about five minutes when she returned. Brian thought for sure that she was going to tell him no. 

 

"Brian, you can go on back to his studio." Jules said. "And please, Brian, please don't hurt him." 

 

Brian stood up and took a deep breath. "I…don't want to, and I hope that I won't. Thanks Jules." 

 

Jules watched Brian walk down the hall and paused outside the studio doors before slowly pushing open the door. She hoped he didn't either. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian walked into the brightly lit room and looked around at the huge space. 

 

"It's great isn't it? With almost one whole wall and half the ceiling being windows the lighting in here is good for a long time." Justin said. 

 

Brian walked toward the sound of Justin's voice and found him on the other side of a huge canvas painting. "Yeah, it is. It's a very comfortable room." 

Justin looked up at Brian and began to clean his brush. Moving his chair around he rolled it over to the sink and washed his hands. Standing up he reached for a towel before sitting back down. When he turned around again, he was pleased to see Brian hadn't moved and that there wasn't a look of pity or disgust on his face. "So what do you want Brian?" 

 

"Justin, I think you should know that …well, can I sit down? This may take awhile." Brian said with a sigh. He couldn't believe how nervous he was. This was Justin! But then again, it was Justin, the one person who always made him nervous when it came to talking. 

 

Justin rolled toward Brian and past him toward a sitting area over against one of the windows. "Sure Brian. Have a seat." 

 

Brian walked over to the couch and sat down. "How are you doing Justin? I know my original visit really stirred things up for you." 

 

Justin got up and maneuvered himself into the overstuffed chair beside the couch. "I'm fine Brian. Really. I…I still have a lot of things and people to face and you showing up like you did forced me to face some of them. It forced me to face the fact that I've been hiding from life. But that's not why you came here. What did you want to talk to me about?" 

 

Brian sighed. "I didn't …I'm sorry that Steve came out here and bothered you. He didn't have a right and I never thought that he would but knowing now some of the things he's done in the past, I shouldn't have put it past him." 

 

Justin looked puzzled at Brian. "Brian what are you talking about? What things in the past did Steve do?" 

 

Brian paused and took a deep breath. "Justin, I never abandoned you. Not like you think I did. I listened to Steve tell me not to call you as you were trying to get your life together, that if you needed anything, you'd call. I didn't know about your phone calls, I never got the messages you left. I never even got the messages and other contacts from the school. Steve intercepted almost all of them. I can't blame Steve for all of it though. If I had been the friend that I had told you I wanted to be, I would have contacted you anyway. I know that it's asking a lot of you but I hope that one day you can forgive me and allow me to be the type of friend that I had always planned on being." 

 

Justin was shocked. Steve, Steve was the one all the time. It wasn't Brian ignoring him. It wasn't Brian trying to forget he ever existed. "Why? Brian. Why?" 

 

Brian sighed. "Justin, I can understand if you don't think we can be friends and I don't blame you." 

 

"No Brian, not that. Why did Steve do it?" Justin asked. 

 

Brian stopped and looked at Justin. He knew he had to tell him the truth. "Because he knew that I still loved you and would do just about anything for you. He didn't trust the love I felt for him or my commitment to our relationship. He didn't trust my choice and he was probably right to have felt that way but the way he went about trying to keep me was wrong." 

 

Justin looked surprised. "You still loved me? How?! You were in love with Steve, you chose him." 

 

Brian wiped a hand across his face and looked tired. "Justin, I've always loved you and I never stopped. I chose Steve because he played on my insecurities about you. He kept talking about your youth and about you getting tired of not living that type of life. About you growing to resent me as you got older for denying you the chances to experience those things that someone your age should experience. And all I could think about was Ethan. Thinking about the fact that you had already left me once. I loved you both but with Steve being older I felt he was the safer relationship for me. If I stayed with you and you left me again, I didn't know if I could handle it. I…I was scared. I didn't trust in our relationship and I never really gave it a chance. I'm sorry." 

 

"Sorry is bullshit. It doesn't change anything. And what about your no regrets? Do you still believe both of those?" Justin asked trying to take in all that Brian had said. 

 

"No, I don't. That was just my way of avoidance. Part of my pain management program." Brian said with a pained expression on his face. 

 

"Brian, I don't blame you for what happened to me. I didn't have to take your route of pain management. What happened to me is my fault." Justin said. 

 

Brian looked up at Justin, searching his face for the truth. "But if Steve…" 

 

Justin stopped Brian. "What Steve did was wrong and we could play the 'what if' game for the rest of our lives. All we can do is work with what we have right now and go from there." 

 

"So where does that leave us?" Brian asked, holding his breath. 

 

"I guess we just see what happens. I would like us to be friends again but it's going to take time. A lot has happened and I'm still working through it. Besides, you have your life and Steve to get back to. I'm here and am working on building my life back up. But that doesn't mean we can't keep in touch, get to know each other again. I'd…I'd like that." Justin said. 

 

Brian nodded. "I would too. Would you mind my visiting?" 

 

Justin smiled, it wasn't his big sunshine smile but it was a start. "I'd like that." 

 

Brian smiled back. "Good. So… want to show me what you're working on?" 

 

***************************************** 

 

Jules stepped back from the door and smiled. It looked like the visit with Brian went a lot better than she hoped. That maybe, just maybe it was what Justin needed to get back on the road to healing.


	13. Falling Down the Primrose Path

It had been two weeks when the phone rang and Steve finally received the word he had been waiting for. He quickly dressed for the office, grabbing his briefcase and left. Brian was back. Maybe now they could talk. 

 

Walking into the elevator twenty minutes later, he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves as he got closer to Brian. Steve dropped his briefcase off at his office, thanked Helen, and moved toward Brian's office. Cynthia wasn't at her desk but Steve could hear voices coming from Brian's office. Walking up to the open door, he knocked lightly. "I know that you just got back in the office but we need to talk." 

 

Brian looked over at Cynthia then back at Steve. "All right. Can you give me thirty minutes to finish catching up with Cynthia?" 

 

Steve nodded, turned, and went back to his office. Walking around nervously for awhile he stopped and looked out the window thinking. Finally as time grew near he walked over to his briefcase, opened it and pulled out some papers. He hoped he wouldn't have to use them but figured he better take them with him just in case. 

 

Nervously he took a deep breath and let it out. Slowly he walked toward Brian's office. Seeing Cynthia sitting at her desk, he knew that Brian was waiting for him. Nodding he greeted her and walked on in to see Brian. Cynthia got up and closed the door. 

 

Steve looked at the door closing and then at Brian sitting behind his desk. Just like always, he felt his heart skip and wondered if he was going to be able to keep this man who made him feel this way. 

 

"Are you going to stand there the whole time looking at me or are you going to sit down?" Brian asked a little tiredly. 

 

Steve mentally shook himself and sat down across from Brian. He realized he missed the easy and loving way that Brian and he used to be with each other, even at the office. "How are you Brian?" 

 

Brian cocked his head to the side. "I'm fine. What do you want Steve?" 

 

Steve noticed that Brian was treating him as he would a business associate and sighed. "Is it really that easy to throw all we have away?" 

 

Brian looked at Steve carefully. He noticed how tired he appeared and wondered if he looked as bad. "It is when what you've built has been built with lies and manipulations." 

 

Steve closed his eyes for a brief second as the pain of Brian's words washed over him. "The foundation wasn't a lie. I do love you." 

 

Brian nodded. "I know and that's why I can understand what you did but I don't know if I can ever forgive you." 

 

Steve bowed his head then looked back up. "Brian, do you love me?" 

 

Brian looked down at his hands. "I…I don't know. I used to." 

 

Steve waited until Brian looked up to see his eyes and nodded. "Used too. Brian, I know I went about all this the wrong way and I'm sorry. I also know that I love you and given the chance we can work all this out and you'll find that you still love me. The question is do you love me enough right now to be willing to do this." 

 

Brian sighed. "Steve, I…" Brian leaned back in his chair. "No." 

 

Steve felt tears build up and tried to blink them away. Nodding he sat up and placed the papers on Brian's desk. "This is a contract of dissolving all our shared assets. There is a list included in the contract of all the things that we each request or own individually to be divided upon agreement. If you agree with all of it, sign it and that will be it. There is a copy for you as well that I will sign." 

 

Brian nodded and took the document. He read it over very carefully and without hesitating, picked up a pen and signed it. Handing the pen over to Steve, he signed as well. 

 

Steve picked up his copy and walked to the door of the office. Turning, he looked at Brian. "Just tell me one thing. Did you ever at any time love me more than Justin?" 

 

Brian looked sadly at Steve. "No, I loved you both equally but for different reasons." 

 

Steve nodded his head as he walked out of the office and to his own. As he sat down at his desk, some of Justin's words came back to him and he realized that Justin was right. If he had left Brian alone, he and Justin would probably still be together to this day, happy and still in love. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Brian waited for Steve to leave before he let his walls down and allowed himself to cry. Cynthia knew what was going on between him and Steve and thankfully left him alone. Half an hour later, he was back at work and only those closest to him noticed any difference in him. 

 

By the end of the week, Brian had retrieved everything that was his and had bought a new townhouse. 

 

By the following week, the place in Trump Tower was sold and Steve had bought a smaller place there in the tower. These two weeks had been hard. Steve had given Brian some space, making sure that he wasn't there when Brian came and got his stuff. However, Steve hadn't given up. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Two Months Later 

 

Brian sighed as he looked around his office and knew that he had made the right decision. Steve had been in the office every other day for the past two months and was back into the business at almost a full swing. Of course there was nothing wrong with that. Brian understood the need to keep busy. However, he also knew that Steve had another motive. Steve now made sure to be there for every meeting and was once again doing the work others should be doing, just to be near him, to talk with him, trying to become friends again, to win him back. 

 

Brian at first didn't pay any attention but as the conversations became more often, Steve often turned them more personal as well. He knew for sure when he started questioning him about where he disappeared to each weekend. Steve began to make suggestions that they should go to art shows of artists that they both liked but made sure that he mentioned going as friends. Brian had turned him down and refused to talk about his life with Steve but still Steve persisted. 

 

Brian stood up and walked out of his office. Stopping at Cynthia's desk, he looked down at her with a slight smile. "Go ahead and finish up. I'll be back in a minute." 

 

Cynthia nodded, got up and went into Brian's office. Brian watched as she shut the door before walking down the hall and into Steve's office. Steve looked up and smiled when he saw Brian standing there. "Brian, have a seat." 

 

Brian nodded. "No thanks, this won't take long. I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving." 

 

"Oh, an early day. No problem." Steve said glad that Brian seemed to finally be coming around. 

 

Brian nodded again. "No Steve, not an early day. I'm leaving New York. I talked it over with the board and they agreed. With you being back in the office almost every day, I'm not needed like I used to be so I'm moving to the new office we acquired in Denver to get it into shape. Of course I'm still senior Vice President and will be coming back to New York for meetings and the occasional emergency." 

 

Steve couldn't keep the shock off his face or his jaw from dropping. "What? Brian, do you…What about your clients?!" 

 

Brian leaned against the door frame. "There isn't anything I can do here that I can't do out there. I will still work on my clients while gathering more for the company out there." 

 

That's when it clicked on where Brian was going. "You're going out to be with him aren't you?" 

 

Brian sighed. "My reasons for going to the Denver office are my own and no longer of your concern Steve. I was just giving you the courtesy of telling you face to face instead of letting you read it in a memo. I'll still have my townhouse and office here but will be spending the majority of my time there. That is all you need to know." 

 

Steve sat back in defeat. His plan had backfired and instead of bringing them closer it had only pushed Brian more toward Justin. Looking up he sighed. "I've totally lost you haven't I." 

 

Brian nodded. "Yes but face it Steve, we really haven't been good in a long time. I'll be honest as well to say that it's mostly my fault, I was preoccupied with other things but if that was the case then it has to make you wonder if you ever really had me in the first place." 

 

Steve nodded sadly. "I know I did that first year and who knows, maybe if I had stayed out of things, not interfered, maybe I'd still have you." 

 

Brian sighed again. "We'll never know. Goodbye Steve." 

 

Brian turned and walked away. When he walked back into his office, he smiled at Cynthia and felt a great weight lift off of him as he took a deep breath. 

 

***************************************** 

 

That Weekend in Denver 

 

"Hi Brian, have a good week?" Jules asked as she met him at the door. 

 

Brian smiled. "Yes, as a matter of fact I did. How about you and Justin?" 

 

Jules smiled. "It's been really good. He's had hardly any nightmares, so he's cut back on some of his meds but the other thing is that he's really pushing himself in his therapy again. He's using his chair less and less and is insisting on standing more." 

 

"That's a good thing though, right?" Brian asked suddenly concerned that Justin might be over doing it. 

 

Jules put her hand on Brian's arm and laughed. "Relax it's a very good thing. He had become complacent with his therapy. You stirring up his life has got him going again in other ways besides his art. If he keeps it up, he won't need his chair at all or the crutches. The only thing he'll continue to need will be his brace and canes." 

 

Brian smiled again. That's great. So where is he?" 

 

Jules laughed again. "Where else would he be?!" 

 

Brian smiled and walked down the hall to Justin's studio. Opening the door, he paused as he looked at Justin. Justin was standing in front of a canvas, bathed in sunlight. Brian felt his heart jump at the sight. Walking over to him, he looked at the canvas without touching Justin. He knew that Justin wouldn't appreciate it and would only be suspicious of it. 

 

Looking at the canvas, Brian saw it was blank. "Okay, soooo what am I supposed to be seeing." 

 

Justin laughed and lightly punched Brian in the arm. "Asshole. You aren't supposed to see anything yet. I'm just trying to decide what I want to put on it. I have several ideas but just not sure which one yet. What are you doing here? I thought we agreed that you weren't going to come out here every weekend anymore. Your home is in New York." 

 

Brian looked at Justin and could see he was serious but not mad that he was there. "I know you said that I didn't need to come out here every weekend to try and prove to you that I really wanted us to be friends. And I'm didn't. I've got a surprise for you. I know that you don't feel comfortable leaving the house but if I promised that you wouldn't run into anyone would you be willing to come out with me? I want to show you something." 

 

Justin paused. He knew that Brian had been trying and that meant a lot to him since he knew how much it cost Brian personally to come after him. Slowly he nodded. "Okay." 

 

Brian's smile got bigger and Justin knew that he had said the right thing but was still nervous. "Brian, you must know that this will be my first trip out except to see doctors and such. So please don't get upset if I ask to be brought home before we get to whatever you want to show me. I'm not good with being around people anymore." 

 

Brian nodded. "I understand and believe me, it should just be you and me and maybe a cleaning crew." 

 

Brian smiled and Justin couldn't help but smile back. "Okay, now you have me curious Mr. Kinney. So lead on." 

 

Brian laughed and began walking to the door with Justin not far behind him. Passing Jules in the kitchen, Brian informed her that he was taking Justin out and that they would be back in about two hours. 

 

Jules looked shocked and surprised which caused Justin to laugh when he saw her face. "Relax Jules. You're always telling me I need to get out, so I'm getting out." 

 

Brian held the door open for Justin and looked at Jules. "Don't worry Jules. I'll take care of him." 

 

Jules nodded as she watched the door shut leaving her alone for the first time in three years in the house she called her home. Looking around she smiled as she sat down for an extra cup of coffee. It was about time. Maybe Brian coming back into Justin's life wasn't such a bad thing after all. 

 

***************************************** 

 

Justin sat nervously beside Brian as he drove them into town and down into the parking garage of an office building. "Uh, Brian? What are you going to show me?" 

 

Brian parked the car in the empty garage next to the elevator. "You'll see. Come on." 

 

Justin got out of the car and into the elevator. When the elevator stopped he followed Brian in through the glass doors with the company name covered up. Still confused he continued to follow until Brian stopped in front of an office door. There he waited for Justin to notice. 

 

Justin walked up to Brian and looked around. Then he spotted the name beside the door and froze. "Brian?! What…" 

 

Brian smiled. "Come on, I'll show you my office and explain." 

 

Justin walked in and looked around, stunned. Brian continued to smile. "This is the latest acquisition of my company. When I called it quits with Steve, he began working a lot more so it was only natural that since they didn't need us both in New York that I would come here to get this firm on its feet. I still have all my clients and my office and townhouse in New York but those are only there for when I'm needed there. Denver is now my home base." 

 

"Brian, you didn't do this for me did you?" Justin asked. 

 

Brian sat down and indicated that Justin should do the same. "No, I did it for me. You know that I always love a challenge and that is what this office will give me. I also did it for me so that I can be the type of friend I want to prove to you that I can be. The type of friend that I always planned on being for you." 

 

Justin nodded. "Soooo, you're not doing this out of guilt?" 

 

Brian nodded. "No, like I said. I'm doing this for me. If you get to benefit from my move then so be it." 

 

Justin looked closely at Brian and saw him trying to keep a straight face and began to laugh. "Well then. Show me the rest of this new company of yours." 

 

Brian proceeded to show Justin the rest of the company and then afterward took him to see his new condo. Justin looked around and then looked at Brian. "It's a bit dull don't you think?" 

 

Brian looked around. "Well, I haven't had time to do anything to it yet. Right now it's pretty generic but that will change as soon as I get a designer in here to work around some things that I want as focal points." 

 

Justin looked around and laughed. "Well, it obviously won't be the bedroom this time. So what have you got in mind?" 

 

Brian went into his bedroom and brought out a couple of large paintings. "These." 

 

Justin was shocked for the second time that day. "Those are mine." 

 

Brian nodded. "I know. I have several of your works from several different stages but these two are my favorite. Who knows maybe I'll be adding a new, larger one to the collection." 

 

Justin looked over at Brian and smiled. "I'll make it your welcome to town present." 

 

Brian laughed. "Sounds good to me. A one of a kind." 

 

Justin laughed with him. "Just like you Brian. Just like you." 

 

Brian walked over to Justin and placed his hand on one of his shoulders as he looked seriously into Justin's face, catching his eye. "Just like you too Justin." 

 

Justin began to get nervous and looked away. "Well, I guess we need to be getting back. I have a painting to paint." 

 

Brian released Justin's shoulder and smiled. "You sure do." 

 

***************************************** 

 

Epilogue 

 

A Year Later 

 

Brian watched nervously as Justin stood in the receiving line shaking hands. 

 

Jules walked up to him and smiled. "I don't know who's more nervous, you, me or him?" 

 

Brian laughed nervously. "I know what you mean. With this being his first public appearance at one of his shows, it's really a big deal. I think we all just want it to go well. I think it is too. Don't you?" 

 

Jules hooked her arm in Brian's and pulled him toward the bar. "Everything is going fine. Come on, buy me a drink." 

 

Brian shook his head and really laughed. "Jules, it's an open bar." 

 

Jules laughed with him. "I know but we've got to quit hovering like two mother hens. He needs to do this. Besides, he's come a long way." 

 

Brian sighed. "I know he has." 

 

They each ordered their drink and walked over to a seating area where they could keep an eye on Justin and be there instantly if they were needed. Justin was doing very well and every time he would get a little nervous, he would look over to where they sat and they would smile encouragingly at him. He would then continue. 

 

Jules watched Brian watch Justin. "You love him don't you. I mean really love him." 

 

Brian sighed but never took his eyes off of Justin. "I never stopped." 

 

Jules smiled. "Then tell him." 

 

Brian looked over at her and shook his head. "He won't believe me." 

 

Jules continued smiling. "You don't know that. He's not the same person you originally fell in love with but you still love him. You aren't the same person he fell in love with either. What can it hurt?" 

 

Brian sighed and knew that Jules was right. He and Justin had gotten really close, become the best of friends and he had fallen even more. Just then, the line finished and Justin walked toward them and sat down with a sigh. 

 

"Well that wasn't as bad as I thought." Justin said as a waiter came over and took his order. 

 

Jules laughed. "Yeah, but that was just the start of the evening. There's still two more hours to go." 

 

Justin groaned just as the gallery owner came over with a client. The next two hours were busy to say the least and by the end of the night just about everything had sold and Justin was well satisfied. His first appearance hadn't brought the pity comments that he had been expecting. 

 

They were sitting down at a table out in the garden of the gallery when the owner came out to them once again. Jules looked over at Justin and could tell that he was tired. "Let me handle this one." 

 

Justin gratefully nodded his head. Reaching over he picked up his drink and after taking a long drink, leaned his head back with a sigh. 

 

Brian watched Justin like he had all evening and took a deep breath. "Justin?" 

 

Justin didn't open his eyes. "Hummm?" 

 

Brian took another deep breath. "Justin, I…I love you and if you'll give us a chance, I'd like us to go out on a date." 

 

Justin sat up abruptly. "What did you say?" 

 

Brian looked down nervously. "I asked if you'd go out with me." 

 

Justin shook his head as Brian looked back up. "No, not that. What did you say before that!" 

 

Brian looked Justin in his beautiful blue eye and said without hesitating. "I said that I love you." 

 

Justin's jaw dropped as he stared back at Brian. "I never thought I'd ever hear you say that. Are you sure?" 

 

Brian nodded. "I never really stopped but this past year I've gotten to know you and I find that I love you even more than ever." 

 

Justin couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face and he stood up. Walking over to Brian he slowly lowered himself into his lap. "I love you too. Always have." 

 

Brian smiled and Justin slowly bent his head down and they kissed slowly for the first time in four years. In the doorway Jules stood watching and smiled. Life was good and finally back on track.


End file.
